FWD: PBTSD: Palmetto Bug Traumatic Stress Disorder. Yesterday morning was garbage pick-up day and when I arrived home after work I decided to go ahead and roll my empty Herby Curby garbage can back behind the fence and away from the street instead of waiting until after dinner. I absentmindedly reached out with one hand and yanked it back on its two wheels when I heard a fluttering sound and I saw movement out of the corner of my eye. I thought “Oh, a bird must have been next to it” and I turned and saw something with big brown wings flying toward a holly bush next to the side porch. Then before I could turn my attention back to wheeling my garbage can, I noticed that the “bird” had made a sudden u-turn and was flying back towards me. I was all “What the hell is wrong with that bird?” when I was instantly filled with horror. THAT WAS NO BIRD, IT WAS A GODDAMN PALMETTO BUG THE SIZE OF A SPARROW AND IT WAS HEADING STRAIGHT FOR ME! Survival instincts kicked in and I screamed at the top of my lungs, a high-pitched girlie scream of terror, as I turned to run, not even noticing that the Herby Curby was in my way. My knee hit the side of the can full force and it toppled. I toppled with it and we both hit the ground. Things get kind of hazy here, probably because of the shock and adrenaline, but I think I continued screaming as I hurried to my feet and took off running toward my front door. And I was not only running and screaming, but I was also beating myself wildly with my arms and shaking my whole body because I feared it had caught me and was at that very second hanging onto my clothes and planning its next move. I unlocked and opened my front door in one swift movement and as I was running for the bathroom I was undressing and wadding my clothes together into a ball. I grabbed a garbage bag as I ran through the hall and threw my clothes in it and twisted a secure knot in the end so there would be no escape. I jumped into the shower and immediately grabbed my loofah and started scrubbing as I muttered repeatedly ”Please God, don’t let it be on me.” And believe me I kept my eye on the shower floor in case it fell and I needed to beat a hasty retreat out of there. After I convinced myself that it wasn’t on me, I got out of the shower, dried myself off, put on a robe, and grabbed the bag with my clothes in it and took it into the sun room. I opened it, dumped my clothes and ran out and shut the door. I peaked back in to see if I saw any movement. I didn’t, so I went back in, shook them to be certain, always ready to run, and then I threw them in the washing machine with the setting on “hot.” Just. To. Be. Sure. Now I keep creeping myself out thinking it somehow made it inside. I don’t know if I can sleep. I don’t know how I can ever go outside again. It knows where I live.
Posted on: Sat, 27 Sep 2014 00:34:25 +0000
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