Feeling totally broken today..it was difficult as once again I was stood up by those living in the house I paid for and who promised yet again to drop off just a few dollars to keep me afloat and to discuss repayment without having any drama of getting the police involved. They never called/showed and now I am feeling like such a fool....an attorney who has worked with me in the past is now involved and after some digging around says all it will take is a call to the landlord and police and I can have them removed immediately but he also was able to verify that that call could also cost them their freedom for the rest of their lives because of evidence from a source who has been there and witnessed activities taking place . I am not the type of person who wants to hurt anyone and the thought of sending someone to prison doesnt sit well with me...because of my feelings, he instead will hold off, draft a letter asking for repayment within a weeks time and see what happens but has prepared me to make that call if we dont get what is due me by then. It is going to be hard but I cannot continue to live like a pauper begging or relying on the kindness of others to meet my basic needs.More heartbreaking to me is those people who I considered to be like family to me whom I spoke or saw almost every day/week who since this has began, have fallen off the radar. No calls ,no messages,.....nothing....it is those friends, some I barely know and my FB friends who are calling in and offering their support and kind words....I apologize to them for having to hear me broken down and crying but all of this is still so insane to me and painful...I wont forget your kindness and as I move thru this ordeal I will also be re-evaluating so many relationships in my life....chances are very good that my best friends who havent called me this week to check in will be finding themselves in the pile of relationships I am ending for good..i hate to sound so bitter but losing Steven and all this craziness is hard enough but to do it without support that I need is the unbearable to me and speaks volumes about the way you really feel...on the flip side, I have heard from some amazing people who have stepped up to get me thru this and now know where my loyalties and love should be directed....have less then two weeks to clean out my old apt but needing time away from this so no thought about any of it for a few days
Posted on: Thu, 21 Nov 2013 03:18:56 +0000