First time I was told I have cancer and it doesnt look good My diagnosis: Stage 4 colon cancer, with perforated intestine, cancer in lymph nodes. July 13, 2007 10:45 AM, Dr. Kumar walked in the room put his hand on my shoulder and gave me the results of my colonoscopy. The only thing I heard was him saying its cancer. Confusion instantly overwhelmed me as I started looking around the room for some type of understanding. My Eyes locked on to the face of my girlfriend sitting in the room with me, Tears were streaming down her face as she stared at me, then it hit me, what the doctor had just told me, my eyes started filling with tears. I could feel the doctor’s hand on my shoulder, his voice delicately trying to ease the information he was giving me, I could feel my stomach turning my breath weakening, and the life being sucked out of me. Dr. Kumar started talking and my girlfriend pulled out a pad and pencil, and started writing everything down. Thank God she was there, because at that point I had no idea what was happening, my senses became very acute, I could hear me breathing, I could hear the clock on the wall ticking away, I could hear the humming noise of the fluorescent lights above me, but I could not hear the doctor’s voice after he said I have cancer. Cancer not only devastates you physically, it crushes your spirit and life. At that moment I made a choice, either I could allow this horrible disease to suck the life out of me. Or I can roll up my sleeves and fight it to my last breath; I chose not to be an easy target, or victim of cancer. The moment I made that choice, I could feel my strength returning to my body, my eyes cleared, instead of looking down at the floor ashamed and embraced, I raised my head looked Dr. Kumar in the eyes and asked, what do we have to do? What I wanted to do with cancer, was create a defensive wall to shield me from my pain and fear. Then God transformed that fear, and cancer became an indispensable part of my spiritual maturity, and humbled me like nothing else. What cancer did for me, it showed that God’s purpose for me is to have Faith, and a loving union with HIM, and HE will get me through this storm. Twice I was told my cancer is terminal, and was retested, and had to wait a week for the results. You can’t imagine the feelings or the struggle when told you need to prepare for the end of your life. When the retest results came back both times, the results were wrong. You think about a sigh of relief, but you dont, because you think what about the next test, or the test after that. I was tested every 90 days for three years. Cancer’s purpose is to devastate, intimidate, and detach me from God. While I kick and scream, cried and try to rid myself of cancer as fast as possible, God was slowly teaching me to learn to wait, and feel His presence, to feel God’s mercy, grace, and love for me even during the battle for my life. A peace came over me and I was no longer afraid, even after losing 50 pounds during chemo treatments and my skin turning gray. Cancer tried to defeat my spirit, then I read Matthew 5:3-8 Jesus said, “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. I realize through cancer that God’s love for me is truly the beginning and the end. That God’s love drives out all fear. I prayed for God to prepare me, and strengthen me for this battle that was now before me. I prayed not to be sheltered from cancer, but to be fearless in facing it. I prayed not for the stilling of my pain, but for my heart to conquer it. I prayed not to be a coward, because I was afraid, but to be God’s warrior, to be an example of faith, willing to go anywhere HIS will leads me. The last 7 years Ive hated every breath that I have had to deal with anything associated with cancer, but it has also been the most blessed time in my life. Ive stepped closer to God and have a true relationship and friendship with my Father. My faith has been tested and challenged, and I have become a Warrior and a child of God, HE defends me, and I defend HIM. What very few people know until now, for 6 years Ive gone to hospitals and speak with people just diagnosed with cancer, I meet with friends, or travel to meet friends diagnosed with cancer, or other serious conditions. My purpose is to give hope, encouragement, and release their fear of uncertainty, and too let an all-knowing God take control. I would not be here today without my faith in God, family, friends, and prayers. Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. List of surgeries after my diagnosis’ on 07/13/2007: 07/18/2007 Procedure Laparotomy, lysis of adhesions, diverting colon descending colon 10/22/2007 Procedure removal of colon cancer tumor, and placement of illistomy 11/08/2007 Procedure treatment of staph infection MRSA 04/24/2008 Procedure Laparotomy, lysis of adhesions, diverting colostomy descending colon, resection illistomy to colostomy 04/26/2008 Procedure treatment of staph infection MRSA 05/12/2008 Procedure Drainage of abscess on left ischiorectal space and right ischiorectal space 02/13/2009 Procedure Incision and drainage and exploration for fistula 04/14/2009 Procedure Laparotomy, lysis of adhesions, small bowel resection anastomosis and diverting loop colostomy of the descending colon 04/15/2009 Procedure treatment of Bacterial infection C-Diff 11/08/2010 Procedure Colostomy takedown resection anatomists 11/22/2010 Procedure Colon treatment for septic infection 12/08/2010 Procedure Laparotomy, lysis of adhesions, diverting colostomy descending colon 08/13/2012 Procedure Incision and drainage and exploration for fistula 21 Flexible Sigmoidoscopy or Colonoscopy Procedures 2 times on chemo treatments lasting 4 months each 5 weeks radiation treatments Today I have a herniated colostomy that the doctor was not going to correct because he thought I was not going to survive this far. My diagnosis: Stage 4 colon cancer, with perforated intestine, and cancer in lymph nodes. All the surgeries and damage that was caused by the cancer and treatments, the doctor thought my intestine wasnt going to heal. Then the doctor noticed that my colon started healing and scar tissue was forming over the holes in my intestine, which is necessary to stop the drainage inside me. Im in pain everyday, and have to deal with my condition everyday, but more than that I am grateful to be here, able to hug my kids, and grandbabies, be with my family and friends, and serve God’s purpose which is to be an example of Faith, and demonstrate That I can do all things thru Christ who strengthens me. My last surgery to correct the hernia and reversal of colostomy will be scheduled for later this year. The doctor also stated that I am in full remission. I stand in awe, with my hands held high, with gratitude, and humbleness to God who has held my hand, and calmed me while leading me thru this stormy yet blessed journey.
Posted on: Sun, 13 Jul 2014 15:15:51 +0000
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