Folks, I got it. Ive seen it. I live about ten miles from her. There is NO possible way I could miss it. No matter how little I give a good goddamn about her. Please, please for the love of kittens and Dread Cthulhu please, stop tagging me, or sending me links to articles that are headlined with some variation of OMFG! SARAH I LOVES ME SOME PUTIN PALIN STARTED HER OWN TV CHANNEL AND ITS THE MOTHER FRACKING END OF THE WORLD! WERE ALL GONNA DIE! ITS 90 FOOT TALL ZOMBIE ROBOT LASER JESUS IN HOT PANTS COME TO DRILL FOR OIL IN THE FOREHEADS OF OUR LITTLE HELPLESS BABIES! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! Deep breath, People. In. Hold. Out. Repeat. So, the Sarah Palin Channel. Honestly, what did you expect? How did you not see this coming? Lets review for a minute shall we? Hmmm, whats the skill set here? Its not her sterling intellect or her savvy political acumen - and even Fox News realized that pretty damned fast, and that ought to tell you something because it aint like theyve set the bar all that high when it comes to intellect. Palin is NOT going to make a living inventing new cancer treatments or the next generation of Mars rovers. And despite Cranky McCains ongoing cloud-shouting, Palin for goddamned sure isnt going to make it as a politician - even SHE realizes that now. Shes got exactly four things going for her: big 70s hair, that creepy plastic smile, and a set of boobs. Shes been living off those assets since her freshman year of high school. And if theres one place that combination will make you gobs of cash, its TV. All she has to do is smile, push her chest out, wave a gun once in a while, and say whatever idiotic thing pops into her head and shell be a hit with the Duck Dynasty crowd - its basically the same gig she started out at, sports girl. Shes come full circle. The Sarah Palin Channel is going to be a hit. Shes the conservative ideal, shes attractive, she doesnt use big words, and she hates all the same people they do. She cant possibly miss. Shes going to spew the same paranoid gibberish, the same simple-minded soundbite jingoism, the same rabid Libertarian anti-government rhetoric, and the same word salad mangling of reality that shes been babbling since she escaped from Dr. FrankenMcCains laboratory and started roaming the countryside terrorizing the villagers. Think Im kidding? Here she is: Tired of media filters? Well, so am I. So, let’s go rogue together and launch our own member-supported channel! Same shit. Lamestream media (which Ironically is the SAME media thats producing her channel). Same Go Rogue war cry (and really, rogue? Thats what you call a bull elephant that goes insane and starts rampaging across the countryside trumpeting wildly and biting at its own tail, before the rest of elephants drive it from the herd. Ironic, no?). Its the same recycled monkey shit, even the ads for it are like reruns of the 2008 Presidential Campaign. Rogue TV! She needs to cash in now. Shes got about two years, maybe three, before its over. Shes fifty. Shes starting to sag and shes getting to the point where she cant live off her looks much longer, no matter how much plastic she has injected into her face. And more importantly, Obamas only got two years left in office (unless, you know, Obama OMG refuses to leave office! Getcher gunz and stay tuned to SarahPalinDotCom for more details! - But I digress). The only thing thatll keep Palin going after Obama leaves office is if Hillary Clinton replaces him - and if Palin had any brains at all inside her empty head, shed be sending Hillary 2016 a big fat check right about now for just that reason. The simple truth of the matter is this: If Sarah Palin had even a glimmer of the savvy her fans think she does, instead of giving thanks to her small and spiteful god, shed be sending President Obama a thank you card in gratitude on a daily basis. Because if Obama HADNT soundly beaten the snot out of McCain, Sarah Palin would be opening charity golf tournaments as vice president right now instead of starting her own TV channel. _______ Okay. You can talk about it, but please, for the love of fluffy kittens, please stop sending me links on this subject. Think of the kittens, Folks, think of the kittens. Also, since were on the subject, you may enjoy this bit of Stonekettle from the last time Palin kicked off her own TV show: stonekettle/2010/03/where-caribou-barbies-roam.html
Posted on: Tue, 29 Jul 2014 17:34:44 +0000