For Kaye Richardson - because she keeps showing up when Im in the most un-fun places- feeding me and loving me with her presence, even though its remarkably inconvenient, and parking at hospitals is painful and expensive, and shes not flush with cash because shes changing bed pans for a living, right now, while, she struggles to finish nursing school.... Well, Kaye Richardson, i wasnt sure how to repay your kindness, so today I PAID IT FORWARD, instead, in your honor. Thankyou, friend. I was having a semi-rotten day, today...and my faith in a higher power has been dwindling quickly over the last months....my anxiety was through the roof and every hour was packed full of arduous obligations. I showed up to my 1:30 appointment with the lung doctor, shaking, unsure how I was going to manage the rest of my afternoon: exhausted and weary from everything going on in our lives. I sank down in a waiting room chair and begrudgingly filled out my umpteenth form of the last 24 hours, wondering if id ever look to the heavens and feel the presence of Jesus, again. His mercy seems so removed from my life right now. Then this medical assistant appeared, and took me back to an exam room. I remembered her from my last appointment, in August- this unusually kind and funny woman, who made the effort to lift me up, in what she knew was never a pleasant place to be. After we got to the exam room, her eyes lit up, and she blurted oh my Lord, I love your purse. That is so BEAUTIFUL!! Giddily, I informed her that Id gotten this $600 Kooba bag, brand new, with the original tags still on, for just $22.00, from a thrift store..we laughed together, at my good luck..then, as she left the room, my stomach lurched and my heart whispered, and I new the right thing at that moment....and it was nutty, but it was good. Quickly, I dumped the contents of my purse into a grocery bag Id found, then i snuck down the hall, and said softly, to that sweet woman, who was in somewhat tattered scrubs, , I hope you arent offended, but Id like for you to have this purse...a lot of people, in my life, have surrounded me with kindness this fall, during my worst days, and yesterday a sweet friend brought food to me while my kid was in the emergency room, which shed also done the week before. Im trying to pay that kindness forward. I hope you enjoy the purse (though it might need to be vacuumed to get the crumbs out of the bottom- sorry). Im so glad for you to have it. Merry Christmas. And she hugged me with the solidarity of two women who know different lives, different skin colors, different realities, different kinds of hard, and who are the same at a soul level...the very same...just needing hope and to be embraced and surprised and carried by love. For all of the hundreds of dollars that Tom and I we will spend on our four children, in the next few weeks, before Christmas, so that the morning of December 25th is exciting and joyous, this giving of something attached to me, today, that was personal- this purse that i had loved- was far more significant...and though the woman in that doctors office was dancing around the room, like a little kid, and it would seem she was the gifted one, I knew in my core, that the person that received the biggest blessing was me...because suddenly I couldnt feel my worry or anxiety - it was all drowned out by the sheer joy of connecting and providing for a stranger, without worry or regret or superiority or pride... realizing that the biggest gift any of us can give ourselves is to stop clinging to our posessions, and be willing to give them up, for any reason, at any time. I didnt need that purse, i dont need anything thats tangible, really..just love and mercy and grace...and thanks to many of you, Ive got that in spades. .. You never know how your own off the wall generosity just might change somebodys world for the better..YOURS...sometimes when you feel so needy yourself, the best thing you can do is to give something away.. not that a brown leather bag will undue any hardship which that lady may or may not be facing, but the fact that a stranger showed her heart to me, and I listened to my gut and immediately responded, and had something she so wanted, may just have been the reminder of a greater love- of hope, of the Jesus id been searching for this morning....maybe to find my faith again, I need to listen for the whispers of a spirit which tells me to give it away.
Posted on: Thu, 11 Dec 2014 13:57:15 +0000
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