For some reason, today I kept reflecting on how much Honors Choir has changed me. Its mind boggling to think that the beginning of the year I was questioning my abilities within the realm of music. I didnt have any faith in myself what so ever, and the prospect of having to sight read or teach myself a piece of music made my stomach do flips of anxiety. Then, Honors Choir came about. I was asked to participate as a first alto (not my usual voice part) because it was the only opening. A few months later we had a rehearsal for the Rockford choir kids that where auditioning for the Regional Honors Choir later that week. During the rehearsal, I struggled with my notes and rhythms way more than I would like to admit. I remember coming home after that same rehearsal with tears of frustration in my eyes because I couldnt understand how something I loved so much could be so stressful. That night I spent hours pounding out my part on the piano again and again until I had it right. I ended up being fine in the end, and had a wonderful day filled with beautiful music, which as far as Im concerned, is a pretty fantastic day. Fast forwarding a few months and I would find myself in the middle of State Honors Choir. The same concept occurred again. I learned my music, got stressed out when it didnt go flawlessly, wondered again, why something I loved so much was so stress inducing and then ended up having a great time making music with other kids from all around the state. So this week, as I work on my All-State Honors Choir music, I am going to break that vicious cycle of stress and self doubt. Why? Because if I stressed 3 out of the 4 times Ive done this and ended up being okay then Im willing to infer that maybe stress doesnt have to be part of the equation. Yeah, maybe it wont be perfect the first run through, or the next few run throughs or even the run through after that, but at least Ill be doing what I love the most, singing, and from what Ive learned this year, if singing makes me as happy as it does, then that is exactly what Im supposed to be doing and I dont need to stress about that at all.
Posted on: Mon, 31 Mar 2014 23:40:42 +0000
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