Found the following online and it sure made me laugh :D How to tie your shoes in the third trimester of pregnancy.... 1) Sit on a firm, comfortable surface, right shoe in hand. 2) Raise right foot and place on left thigh. 3) Realize this is impossible. 4) Attempt with left shoe and left foot (also impossible). 5) Decide to do this standing up. 6) Bend toward floor. 7) Observe you have no idea where your feet are. 8) Wonder if a hand mirror might help. 9) It doesnt. 10) Phone neighbor to come over and tie your shoes. How to put on a seat belt in the third trimester... 1) Reach blindly beneath your gut, hoping to locate both ends of seat belt. 2) Find one end. 3) Use elbow to push poor, unsuspecting fetus to one side while you find other end. 4) Exhale fully and attempt to close belt. 5) No dice. 6) Let out belt until long enough to fit an elephant seal. 7) Close and tighten belt. 8) To avoid repeating, spend day in car. How to use a public bathroom in the third trimester... 1) Attempt to cram self into stall. 2) Repeatedly get stuck between door and toilet. 3) Exit stall. 4) See that handicapped stall is free. 5) Glance around furtively. 6) Conclude that being in third trimester counts as handicap. 7) Dash into handicapped stall. 8) Do your business. 9) Discover toilet-paper dispenser is empty. 10) Shout for help. 11) Blush as person in wheelchair hands you TP under door.
Posted on: Fri, 07 Mar 2014 03:55:36 +0000