Fourth time saying goodbye to Manila and it never gets easier. In fact, it gets even harder. When I first left in December two years ago, I had no idea where I was heading into. No idea what waited ahead of me. All I knew was God was ahead. Drawing me, calling me to the heights of Colorado and into the depths of the hearts of many people. Little did I know I would fall in love that much with that state and everyone Ive met there. Especially my kids and my team and family. After two years of being there, I have no regrets of signing up for Pais USA. Then, I was a young rookie running with excitement towards the new. When I left a second time in April of last year, I was nursing a heart that was broken. Torn. Ripped in pieces. Stomped all over. This was the time I failed the most important exam of my life so far: The Philippine Bar. It was in this time I had a sobering realisation of my reality. God didnt want the glamour and prestige of the young attorneys life in Manila. But a life, albeit somewhat temporary, thats marked by humility. In America, Im a nobody. Representing Somebody who by His grace, to love and reach anybody and everybody. With no salary and relying purely on support through His provision, I was running with courage, yet acutely aware of all my wounds. The third time was probably the easiest. About this time last year, I left for the US after 12 days in Manila. It felt like I had my stride in Colorado. Going to Manila felt like a vacation. I had an amazing time reconnecting with friends and family! A relaxing season of Christmas, with an assurance of that was waiting for me when I returned. A happy host family, a healthy and exciting team and a ministry thats full of life! I was running back to the US, thrilled to finish what He started for me. Running with passion. Now is probably the worst. And by that I meant the hardest on the heart. For one, coming here was challenging. Not that theres anyone to blame, but after being gone for almost two years, while people missed me and I did too, the world moved on without me. Manila changed without me in it. Kids grew up. People matured. Friends experienced things without me. I dont hold any grudges, of course! Since lots of things happened for me too. So its just life, I guess. But it was very difficult to be part of something, but not really. To belong, but not really. To come home, but not really. Where is my home? For the first two months in Manila, it was a testing period. I had options to work in the Philippines, possibly move to England or come back to the US. I had no idea what. Then, all I knew was God was up to something, and I didnt know what. That time, Pais was not something I planned at all. But He did. He called me back to the USA, yet again to leave my home. And this time was the most painful departure yet. The biggest reason could be that I was leaving for a long time this time. No longer did I have an 18-month stint that assured me coming home somewhat. This time, I sense, strongly yet somewhat vaguely, that God is up to something. To change my life. And He is. Continually and continually. Slowly, but painfully surely. Yet what breaks my heart the most is leaving a place where I was born, both physically by my mother and spiritually in my church. A place where I was nurtured and shaped. A place where I gave and joyfully poured out all of myself till I felt like I had nothing left from my youth ministry internship to the bar exam. A place where I felt love like nowhere else. From my young boys who are now standing in my place as men and godly leaders, honouring me with their love for others and a passion for discipleship... To my sweet and gentle niece who, despite me being gone a lot, sees me as her hero. My mom and dad who gave it all for me, and both secretly and openly hope that I would change my mind and take the bar again so I need not live a life of possible poverty and uncertainty. My parents who love me though they dont always show it. My siblings who always give me a hard time but I know are really proud of me. They show that loving contempt that all of us with siblings have felt at some point (or even consistently. lol). My friends who are my buddies in every little thing I wanted to do. Wow, I am pretty rich, huh? In the things that count I reckon :) Long story short, I know, I know, this isnt the first time Im leaving. Ive written notes like this before. But for the first time, Im crying as Im typing this. Everyone, this is probably the hardest note Ive ever written. Philippines, and everyone in it, you have no idea how much I love you. I feel like an OFW but have nothing to send back home other than stories. Ive never felt more love for a country as much I do. I know and am glad that you all understand why I am leaving. Its because the states needs its God again. And Im doing my small part to spark something. I have no idea on what impact I can make. I guess, I can take the heart of Christ that one person sealed unto heaven would be worth it. Friends, family, again thank you. You all should know what you did. Thank you for taking the time to meet me. Thank you for treating me to dinner or coffee. Thank you for greeting me on my birthday. Thank you for praying for me and believing in me. You have no idea how much that gives me strength again. Thank you for being happy to see me when you do. Thank you for being jokingly angry that Im leaving yet again. I hope I make you proud as I venture again to the states and do what God asked me to do. You have no idea how I profoundly feel unworthy and incompetent to do this. I know my confidence and cheerfulness could belie what I just said, but Im afraid for my life. Im afraid of feeling lonely despite Im amongst amazing and wonderful people. Im afraid of failing even if no one is really out to get me if I do. Im afraid of being weak and just choosing to come back home because I want to give up. Please pray I wont. Give up, I mean. Pray He will open my eyes to see that HE is there cuz sometimes my eyes are too downcast to look up. Pray for young men and women I will disciple and mentor and hopefully inspire to chase after Him through and through. I want to say as I have, but Lord knows how imperfect I am. I guess this is what it means when my weakness is His strength. Because I hope I can encourage the outcasts, the insecure, the broken and seemingly unsaveable people that God can use them too. In 2 hours, Ill be on my airline seat, flying to Korea then going to the USA. Its hard to grieve this much but I know everything will be alright once I arrive in California and then eventually to Texas. :) Ill be working alongside amazing people in Pais USA and spend my days with the love of my life and incredible partner Charlie Enfield. Ill meet people who will impact me the way you do. Hopefully guys, you will continue make an impact on others the way you did to me. Heres to new beginnings, with our everlasting God. Its been an amazing three months, incredible birthday and memorable Christmas here in Manila. By His grace and in His time, I will see you all again. Till then, message me anytime okay? Or check out my updates from time to time, yeah? I love you. Your son, brother, kuya/big bro, friend and buddy, Jamie Flores Missionary to the USA Pau Roa Jaycee Alynn Yoder Hannah Johnson Michael Bell Theo Calaor Therese Jose Lawrence Jose Jodie Jose Chelsea Delfin Vince Cruz Gerald James Buendia Reyes Mikee VictorianoVincent Aureus Angelica de Vera Michelle RuetschleMitzie LaoLizel LaoCarla Joelle GozoAnnika Gozo Hyacinth Reyes DadapRianna BernabeBionic BernaSamantha Libao Fabrizio VerliniVivien Muyon DalipeRoberto V. Dalipe Nikki Muyon Dalipe Jericho Adriel Dalipe Bella Moran Emma Mantlo Jenny Kim Wennyjean Birao RepoponioJoanne PaminErica Triunfo AboyCorinne Christy BrionPam Brion Kyle SandovalValerie BuntingNathan Bunting Sashi Montaña Vhic Tan Dela Serna Justin Ishak
Posted on: Fri, 26 Dec 2014 15:34:18 +0000
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