Friday, August 29, 2014 “Good manners can take you further than good education.” That line ran into me while reading the other afternoon. It grabs because it’s true. Manners are, in essence, ways of doing things that make you comfortable with where you are and what you’re doing that allows others to be comfortable in your presence. We were at a real ‘high end’ restaurant while on vacation. It was a lovely place, surrounded by beautiful scenery, and amazingly quiet for a public business. A young man sat at a table close to us having supper. His face was in his plate, food fell from his mouth as he over filled it. Give him credit: He made sounds never before heard while eating. He was rude and demanding to the waiter too. With greasy face and bread in one hand, he called out, “Oh yeah, and when you come back bring me more butter and tea.” He left without leaving a tip as far as we could see. I said to the waiter, “It’s none of my business but is he a regular customer?” as I looked toward the table he had left. “He comes in at least once a week. Always demanding, never satisfied, and loud and messy as well, and once when a lady at a table beside his said, “Thanks,” when I refilled her coffee cup, he said to her, “You don’t thank servants, lady.” “Does he tip well?” I went on. The waiter laughed, and replied, “We call him ‘Gmnt’—for grumpy messy no tip. Someone told one of the other servers here that he is filthy rich, and had graduated from Harvard at the top of his class.” Sitting in the visiting area at a funeral home, a woman saw a young girl who was the daughter of an old friend. As the older woman approached the younger, the girl stood. “You don’t have to stand for my coming,” said the older lady. “Oh but I want to,” said the younger. Doesn’t such a gesture affirm the ‘other’ is a special way? My grandfather on Mom’s side was at one time high in government circles in England. He taught at Oxford, served on important councils, and from time to time ate at the King’s table. As a kid I was asking him if it was scary being in such high company. “Not if you know how to act and what to do,” he told me. “That’s why learning proper manners and decorum are so important, Keith,” he added. (I’m named for him). “Such knowing sets you free and puts others at ease,” he concluded. The other month we were going to the mall for a couple of things and our son held the door open for a woman coming in. “I can open my own door,” the woman said sourly. “I’m sure you can,” he replied to her, “but not this time.” It’s probably not good manners for me to feel that his response ‘got’ her for her brisk remark to the situation. Forgive me. Being able to know what to do and how to act--even how to dress—whatever—broadens one’s effectiveness in the world. Haughty manners, or putting down attitudes are not what we’re talking about here. We’re talking about a ways of living that make it better for all concerned. Instruction in values and manners should always be encouraged. Once years ago, I had an invitation to the White House. I was one of many and was not invited to sit at the table with the President!. But I did know pretty much how to act and handle myself. As I stood in the Gold Room drinking iced tea in the midst of many, I had this distinct thought: “Thanks, grandpa. I’m OK here, and you helped show me how to be like that.” Good manners and good education. Both matter. Always love, always, Keith
Posted on: Fri, 29 Aug 2014 10:51:50 +0000