Friday, March 28th 2014 Victoria’s 2nd Birthday On this date two years ago, I lost a large piece of my heart, a piece that will always be with my baby girl in Heaven. Its 1 o’clock in the morning as I sit here, composing this entry. I awoke at midnight and could not get back to sleep, my stomach and back were causing me to be extremely uncomfortable with no cause for it. It was a half hour later that I realized it felt a lot like contractions… needless to say that was the end of my quest for sleep; I needed to put down the thoughts and images going through my mind. The tears are just flowing and it is not so much for the sorrow of losing her, as a lot of that hurt has healed in Knowing that she is with Jesus in heaven, its more for revelations HE is revealing to me in these times. As I lay awake, I feel the tug of my heart where it had been ripped open and a chunk had been removed, but I was shown this image of my heart it wasn’t empty any longer, and the edges are less torn and adhering nicely to the new growth. You see when we lose a piece of our heart Jesus doesn’t want us to stay broken he wants to heal us and create a piece (peace) to fill the hole, the amazing thing that he showed me this morning is that he doesn’t just fill the empty space he creates a whole new layer around our heart making it bigger….to be able to give more love. Think about the quotes, “No pain No gain”, & “What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.” This may be true in muscle development and such, as when our muscles rip our body repairs them by flooding the area with blood to heal and increase the muscle in size, does this hurt? Absolutely, but you know it will pass, and you will gain some amazing results, so it’s a good thing… not so with the heart. So often we see drawings of a broken heart and we as humans stitch it back up trying to repair the brokenness with string. We all know that though it feels like our heart is literally ripped out of our chest that the actual heart is still intact… it is the emotional heart that is torn and it can’t be fixed like we would fix a cut or a scrape… and not fixed correctly there is no growth. What we can’t physically see happening is this… Our heart “needs” to love, and when it gets broken and we hurt…, without Jesus in our lives; we tie it up with string and fill the crack left over, with the filling of our choice. Weather that is food, revenge, substance abuse, more unhealthy relationships, or a million other things; whatever it is, it is not feeding the walls of your heart and the edges become aged and dry and it stays cracked. We can cover it with any kind of spackle we can find, we can build walls around our heart so it will never happen again, we can lock it away in a memories box and throw away the key, but that’s not living. The end results of trying to fix our broken heart ourselves is, depression, bitterness, anger, resentment and as we can imagine the list can go on and on, causing the heart to shrivel up like a prune. Here’s what Jesus has done for me… He saw my broken heart; he was there when it happened and he filled it with his love, coating it to overflowing and creating a new layer, a liquid coat of his love. This is the best way I can explain it so bear with me for a moment more… Have you ever made a Jello mold, seen a Jello mold? Then you would know that when you take it out of the mold, if it has set up long enough, it holds its shape. Now if you were going to take it out of its mold and it cracked; the easiest way to fix it wouldn’t be to use thread and sew it back up… would it? No probably not, but it is fixable… the best way I would know how would be to mix up some more Jello and pour it over the top, then for 4 or 5 hours let it “set-up” in the refrigerator and it will create another layer around the original mold sealing the crack shut, healing it. Now will you always know what happen, yes… but will everyone? Not unless you tell them. This is what Jesus has done for me in the last two years, my heart is still soft in the middle and maybe it not completely “set” yet, but HE has increased my heart in size, and exercising it daily to love others helps it heal faster. Our hearts, unlike Jello cannot be set upon the self and left to “set-up”, we need to use them daily and the muscle will grow stronger and healthier. Even Jello left on the self to long can harden and dry out. The amazing thing is that Jesus can take even the hardest of hearts, wrap them in HIS Love and renew them again! So on this day of so many blessings, I choose to rejoice in Victoria’s life the plan Jesus has through it and gift he bestowed on us, in her! Will there be tears; Oh YES! I am still that person who doesn’t hold her tears well, but please don’t think they are all in sorrow, sometimes the peace of God is over whelming, and sometimes so are the revelations! My revelation today is that, Having, Loving and Remembering Victoria has truly been and continues to be the Magnificent Blessing, Jesus intended for us. Happy Birthday Beautiful Baby Girl! WE Love you Always!
Posted on: Fri, 28 Mar 2014 11:04:19 +0000
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