From David Letterman Top 10: Things you WISH you could say to your borrowers but, can’t: After reviewing your tax returns… is your company hiring? Unfortunately, we just cannot use the $20,000 you have stored in your gun safe to cover the cash your short to close. Listen, there’s been a red-dot outbreak at my office. I’ll have to call you back tomorrow. Let’s just say that if I ruled the world, I’d certainly loan you $417,000 without bothering to check your credit or verify your income! Sure, take as long as you want to think about my offer of 4% with no points. In the meantime, I will ask the markets,(US and abroad) to suspend all trading until you decide. Since you only have $6 worth of verifiable liquid assets, I will need more of an explanation regarding the four $3000 non-payroll deposits. Right now, it looks like your collecting income from the meth lab in your rented garage. At what point when I was talking about the importance of NOT moving money did you decide to pay off $20,000 in student loans? It’s a little hard to believe these “tax liens” and “mortgage lates” on your credit report are the “first you are hearing of this.” It took you three weeks to get me your documents. I will need a little more than 5 minutes to get your docs out. No, we dont really need all of your tax returns – just the random pages that you feel like sending
Posted on: Thu, 24 Oct 2013 15:21:40 +0000
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