From: Mama Be Good Facebook Page Parenting advice tends to look at independence as the parent pushing the child to do things on their own. We think that children - especially autistic children - dont naturally grow towards independence, but that we must force them to get used to functioning alone. So we use phrases like stand on your own two feet, pick yourself up off the ground, pull yourself up by your bootstraps, cut the apron strings, or stop relying on others. But our view of independence is flawed. Autism means our children have difficulty receiving, processing, and expressing information. Their system is always on high alert and is challenged by all the input bombarding them, whether through senses, emotions, or information. The constant assaults to their system and the constant need to monitor and protect themselves uses up their energy quickly. When we view independence as pushing them to do more on their own, we ignore the reality that they are already pushed beyond their limits. It is more helpful to think of independence as having a full cup of independence fuel. Independence fuel comes from a feeling of safety, trust, acceptance, and warmth. When our children have a full cup of independence fuel, they feel curious, strong, and confident. They will naturally want to interact and learn and do things for themselves. We fill their independence cup by making them feel as safe as possible, by providing them with the supports they need, by showing them that they can depend on us no matter what, even in their worst times. Their independence cup gets filled when we show them they can rely on us, that they can trust us not to get overwhelmed, that we are there to comfort them, to connect with them, to help them identify their emotions and needs. We fill their cup when we help them feel safe, connect more than correct, show them we are always there - not that we wont be there and they need to stand on their own two feet. The current parenting logic - that our children wont stand on their own two feet unless we force them to do it now - is flawed. Our children need a solid foundation to stand on FIRST. They need to have the skills, abilities, and resiliency to stand on their own FIRST. If they dont have that foundation, they will fall. And falling teaches them that they cant trust others and that independence is painful. Fill your childs independence cup with safety, trust, connecting, and love. When their cup is full, theyll feel confident enough to try things and do things on their own.
Posted on: Sat, 18 Jan 2014 21:00:01 +0000
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