From Scalded Daddy Parts What is it that possesses a cat to do what a cat does? I dont sleep a lot but when I sleep I sleep deeply, so when I drop off all i want is to be allowed to blissfully recharge my outdated old batteries. I worked a long day yesterday, actually enjoying every minute because I have an affinity for not being broke, so when I rolled in at around 2 AM I thought.... How good is that big ol bed gonna feel?. Performing my nightly ablutions, I washed up a touch, brushed my remaining teeth, got out of my regulation leather cowboy boots and dropped inside my blankets. I was looking forward to being unconscious for a few hours. At 3 AM my cell whistled at me and my eyes popped wide open.... No...no thank you, Im perfectly happy with my cell provider except for the fact that they didnt block you from calling me...Have a nice day wherever you live. ....and then...back to freaking blissful sleep....eventually....AFTER turning off my cell. Im not sure what happened then. I had dropped off into a deep sleep again when I felt excruciating pain. All I could think of at first was that Id somehow been stupid enough to tell Chuck Norris he had ugly kids while leaving my groin exposed. I didnt see anything at first as Id squeezed my eyes shut in an effort to ....not see anything....and to give me relative privacy to suffer. Then I thought, No...I must have told FREDDY KRUEGER he had ugly kids while leaving my groin exposed! The long knives on the ends of his hands had shredded the aforementioned area after the initial 400 pound strike on my injured innocent self! Then quickly the weight was on my chest. I opened my eyes to see a lion 2 inches from my eyes, and being the brave strong man i am I said, Garrrgh ....or something like that. Im not sure of the spelling and at the moment I dont really CARE how the teacher would grade me on that. I sleep alone on a queen sized bed, so the CAT DID NOT do this accidentally! Its part of her evil plan to destroy me. Those of you who have spoken to me or heard me sing know Im listed as a baritone.....Um...not so much anymore after the combined attacks by Freddy Krueger and Chuck Norris. The voice that came out of me deafened bats and frightened dogs for a hundred mile radius. No more singing Brooke Benton....No more scary deep voice that makes Sasquatch say, What the fadge was that? ......I guess Ill sell my cowboy hat and boots and buy leather pants, a glittery glove and a monkey. With my luck hed join forces with the cat.
Posted on: Fri, 28 Mar 2014 13:48:43 +0000
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