From a member: So this afternoon, my man comes up and says to me. has my depression being showing itself heavily lately? And I have to think about the shortness of his temper lately, the many walks he goes on. His losing himself in work, or school. and I nod and say. yeah honey it has. he sighs and walks away. I think about that. As the spouse of someone with PTSD and physical disabilities, it can be really hard to know where that line is. That line between overburdening them, and treating them like they cant do anything. NO one wants to be an invalid, no one really wants to be treated like they are helpless. Its like that old story about someone with a hurt leg, they need to rest for a while, but if you dont push them to walk again their leg will atrophy and they will never walk. So I took my man to the side and told him, I love you, and if you need to take space fine, but you are my partner and I do need you to try a bit harder to be more here with us, to talk to me, I am not upset but I am getting tired of talking to the top of your head because you wont make eye contact with me. We miss you. As a spouse you are their partner. You help them when they need it. You support them.. But sometimes you need to give a tug, or a push to keep them getting themselves moving. You cant tell them how and maybe they wont be able too.. But sometimes just a little nudge will remind them to try. We had a nice talk, and he discussed what was bothering him. I talked about I had noticed and my frustrations. And we discussed how we would help each other more. l know this wont work for everyone. But there are many ways to encourage. you dont have to use mine. I am very luck that my Man is mild and well in control of his PTSD his anxiety and his depression. it doesnt mean everything is wonderful.. its hard. and there are bad days. But we have reached a point where honest conversation isnt hard for us. But its important for partners to be equal, even if one is recovering from a wound, (either physical or emotional) that they still be equal.
Posted on: Wed, 01 Oct 2014 03:20:00 +0000
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