From my teachers, Duane Catherine OKane: After reading a few responses to Elloa Atkinson and Nige Atkinson s transparent documentation of their process together and also having Clearmind International Institute being referenced as the basis for some of the philosophy and thought system that launched this honest conversation, we feel it is important to clarify a few things. A few entries are comparing this honest approach to Radical Honesty and pointing out that many relationships would be incapable of handling this degree of speaking the truth. There is an immense qualitative difference between Radical Honesty and Emotional Responsibility, which requires honesty. Emotionally responsible communication requires there to be a container and structure understood by both parties that holds the philosophy that we are 100% responsible for our own experience. Emotionally responsible communication views the disclosure as an opening to uncovering a deeper vulnerable truth that invites connection. Relationships thrive when both parties are communicating from a place of vulnerability, rather than reactivity, defense, or distance. These kinds of desires and upsets are mostly symptomatic of a deeper conflict that has not been worked out and now might be acted out. Emotionally responsible coupling allows this disclosure to be a window into our lives, our past and our souls. The disclosure is just the first step of a four step process we utilize at Clearmind and that Nige and Elloa have been trained in, which begins with transparent communication about the current upset and moves through to a vulnerable and responsible communication about self. Hiding ourselves will not allow us to heal ourselves, and the ultimate purpose in this communication is to reveal the self that is calling for healing (our self view). If they were not prepared to go through all four steps they would not have started with the first step. It would not be fair. Elloa opened up knowing full well its implications clearly demonstrating the integrity, discipline, courage and love for self and other required to see it through to its end. She did this not to satisfy her needs but to actually become closer to herself and Nige. Vulnerability invites connection. If we are engaged in hiding ourselves we will never fully feel the love of our partners, because love cannot get to what is hidden. It is risky to open up to this degree, but far less risky than acting out or hiding out. We would never advocate freelance truth telling in an open ended dialogue, which can easily become emotionally violent rather than vulnerable. Attached is a link that addresses this version of learning how to become Emotionally Responsible. The lecture is called From Crisis to Celebration. clearmind
Posted on: Thu, 30 Oct 2014 18:42:24 +0000
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