Funniest Parenting Tweets: What Moms And Dads Said On Twitter This WeekBy Hollis Miller Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways -- so we like to round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy.Our guest curator this week is Kate Hall, co-editor (with ScienceBy Hollis Miller Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways -- so we like to round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy.Our guest curator this week is Kate Hall, co-editor (with Science of Parenthoods Norine Dworkin-McDaniel and Jessica Ziegler) of The Big Book of Parenting Tweets. Kate also blogs at Can I Get Another Bottle of Whine? and right here on HuffPost Parents. Read her selections below, and follow @HuffPostParents and @KateWhineHall on Twitter for more!Theres half a bagel on the counter... I think only one kid licked it. Its yours if you want it. -how I make breakfast for my husband.— Jen Good (@buriedwithkids) December 16, 2014Hey a Slinky! This is cool, how do you do it again? Its tangled. Can we get another one? The 2 minute lifespan of every kids Slinky— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) December 16, 2014My daughter got up to get a glass of milk and I ended up watching 3 seasons of Curious George— Midnight Cowboy (@cowboyjeffkent) December 17, 2014You never stop playing Mario Kart until someone is crying.— Rock (@TheMichaelRock) December 17, 2014My wife just angrily announced, Im going to have lots of yelling to do when I get home! My kids are terrified. And I just pooped.— Hazel Goats (@hazelmotes1) December 19, 2014A recordable Christmas storybook for my kids from my folks. How sweet. My favorite part is hearing the ice in Grandpas martini glass.— Nick Dadamantium (@dadamantium) December 18, 2014They could probably build a new exhibit at Legoland with the contents of my vacuum bag.— Lurk @ Home Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) December 15, 2014Props to the moms tailgating before the preschool sing-a-long.— Hot Breakfast (@amydillon) December 17, 2014I like Christmas shopping because it gives me a chance to put distinct dollar values on my love for each individual family member.— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) December 17, 2014If there was a prize you could win for the most threats to cancel Christmas, I would be World Champion.— BadParentingMoments (@BPMbadassmama) December 18, 2014When one door closes another one opens. Unless its me closing the bathroom door. Then its just my kids opening the same door.— Outsmarted Mommy (@outsmartedmommy) December 16, 2014Kid sings a Christmas song once: Aw, thats cute. Five times: OK, you can stop now, honey. Sixty-five times: MORE EGGNOG.— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 17, 2014*at work* I try not to bring my home life into work *drops purse *hot wheels and animal crackers fall everywhere— Lauren P (@WorkingMom86) December 17, 2014*late to pick up kids from school* *still sits in Starbucks drive-thru 10 cars deep*— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) December 16, 2014Whats the difference between giving somebody hand-me-downs and re-gifting? Wrapping paper. Merry Christmas little brothers & sisters.— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) December 19, 2014I asked my son for a Sweetart and he gave me a yellow one so I guess weve officially reached the I hate my mom years.— Manda (@lilgapeach32) December 18, 2014Criteria for selecting which family photo becomes our Christmas card: 1. Do I look good? 2. ..... yeah, thats all.— One Classy Motha (@MothaKim) December 16, 2014After enough shots, a toddler bed is actually quite comfortable.— OneFunnyMummy (@OneFunnyMummy) December 15, 2014I wanted some Cheetos and we were totally out of Cheetos and then it hit me: under my toddlers carseat! Im good now.— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) December 17, 201412: Dont touch my video game. Im going to bed 18: Ok 12 exits 18 takes selfie playing 12s game & sends it Screaming erupts from 12s room— So Done Mom (@Momtoteens) December 18, 2014Lunchables. For when youre either too young or too drunk to care.— Misstlovestrinkets (@mstluvstrinkets) December 17, 2014With work, kids school parties and Christmas shopping, Ive only been able to devote about 4 hrs a day to Twitter. I feel so detached.— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) December 17, 2014Oh the weather outside isnt nearly as frightful as the shitstorm inside this house.— Housewife of Hell (@HousewifeOfHell) December 16, 2014 ift.tt/1gB4pon
Posted on: Fri, 19 Dec 2014 23:03:40 +0000