Glory asked me to share some happy memories of Josh. This is probably the hardest, remembering the good times. Here goes: One memory Im particularly fond of and its a place I go too regularly to reflect and escape. It was one beautiful day, windy, sunny, you could see for miles. It was just Josh and me and we did our usual, pack a picnic and trudged up to the top of carn Marth. It had been a difficult time with Josh and I needed a sign of hope and I got one. Josh stood at the highest point his little face was filled with wonder as he relished the view and he closed his eyes and spread his hands, as wind whipped up his soul. It was a moment of such beauty watching him look so free, so content and I knew that I should not speak. This was a moment for quiet and really using our senses, taking in every sight smell colour. This was a moment of autism contentment, escaping the crazy over sensory world. What I did not know was this moment would stay etched on my mind to keep me strong at my darkest moments, to keep fighting for my boy, to be in this moment again, alone with me. Sometimes its so easy to get lost in the chaos and frustrations of living with autism that you forget to savour the special moments. I wish I could press a rewind button and put myself back at that very time and place, I felt a complete and utter peace. As I watched his free wild spirit, I thought wow, I love you so much and he turned to me and gave me a look, that I swear stopped my heart for a moment! He gave me the most intense and long stare right into my soul and he was saying thankyou mum, thankyou for listening to me. His eyes have always said it all, the window to his soul and those eyes are dimmed, the light, the sparkle faded but we will get that light back. I know he will breath in that sea air a deep breath, watch the view, feel the wind on his face, the sound of the ocean and little by little his soul will heal. At this moment, standing at the top of carn marth that day, Josh and I needed no words. He had already said it all. Love you baby x x
Posted on: Tue, 08 Jul 2014 12:51:45 +0000
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