HALF A MO! Ill bet youve never noticed all the things that you can do, In half a mo, half a mo. So cock your ears and listen and Ill mention one or two, In half a mo, half a mo. Tho youre as sane as Satan, you can go clean off your dot, And then start backing Gee-gees on a system very hot; Have five and twenty thousand quid and lose the blessed lot In half a mo, half a mo. Chorus: In half a mo, half a mo Your pluck and perseverence you can show. You can go with other people, Down a sewer, climb a steeple; Fall and break your blooming neck, in half a mo! Though youre as safe as houses, into danger you can get, In half a mo, half a mo. Go in for speculation and youll find yourself in debt, In half a mo, half a mo. By doing something startling you can win no end of fame, For, if you want to raise the wind, although a risky game, With pen and paper you can forge another fellows name, In half a mo, half a mo. Chorus: In half a mo, half a mo. When captured up for trial you can go; Kid the beak that youre afflicted, PLead, Not guilty. be convicted, And get fourteen years hard labe in half a mo. Though youve been such a wicked cuss most pious you can turn, In half a mo, half a mo. As preacher to the heathen blacks no end of praise you earn, In half a mo, half a mo. You reach the savage islands and along you smoothly rub, Those natives seem quite harmless but when they run short of grub They sneak behind your blooming back and brain you with a club In half a mo, half a mo. Chorus: In half a mo, half a mo. An appetite for mission meat they show, From this world youre gently whizzled In a saucepan boiled and frizzled And youre simply gravy soup in half a mo. To take a long journey in a railway train you jump In half a mo, half a mo. Mile after mile by field and stream you travel with a bump In half a mo, half a mo. You reach a station, engine stops and though it seems absurd, Inside a long refreshment bar, in spite of what youve heard, You spot a certain sandwich and youre on it like a bird, In half a mo, half a mo. Chorus: In half a mo, half a mo. You place it in your tater-trap like so, Bring your hungry jaws together, Find the meat as tough as leather, And you fracture fifteen teeth in half a mo. To learn to ride a bicycle you may make up your mind In half a mo, half a mo. A shop where you can hire one up a street you find In half a mo, half a mo. You mount that second-hand machine, commence to show your skill, Turn round an unknown corner, never thinking of a spill, But find when its too late to stop youre flying down a hill In half a mo, half a mo. Chorus: In half a mo, half a mo. The brake gives way, its no use shouting Whoa! One short prayer, or swear, you utter, Then you cannon off the gutter, And youre diving down a drain in half a mo. One day you meet a full-sized miss and catch the charmers eye In half a mo, half a mo. You make a bow and raise your hat, before she passes by, In half a mo, half a mo. You speak to her, suggest a walk, go strolling down the street, The park is reached as loving words you fervently repeat, And by her well-developed form you gently take a seat In half a mo, half a mo. Chorus: In half a mo, half a mo. You squeeze her massive waist and she screams out, Oh! Her pneumatic stays, like thunder, Through the pressure burst asunder, And the padding all pops out in half a mo. Written and composed by Albert E. Ellis & Alan Macey - 1896 Performed by James Fawn (1850-1923) From monologues.co.uk Music Hall Lyrics Collection
Posted on: Sun, 03 Nov 2013 08:41:50 +0000
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