HELP! ‘THEY’RE CONVERTING CARDINALS AND PASTORS Category: Opinion Published on Wednesday, 31 July 2013 06:00 Written by Tunde Asaju Hits: 127 View Comments I keep telling myself that joining Pastor Ayo Oritsejafor’s protest forces on the streets of Minna or Bida might re-ignite an age-long feud between the Yagba and the Nupes. So, knowing how close the CAN president is to President Jones, I told myself that once the Pastor has issued an ultimatum to the Etsu Nupe, it was only a matter of hours before the Etsu finds himself in monarchical Siberia. When a Naija-Delta president of CAN constantly at war with its mortal enemy - Islam - issues an ultimatum, it would take more than the support of the northern mafia to make the Etsu keep his throne. Pastor Oritsejafor, swore by every shrine in Benin City that Charity Uzoechina aka Aisha the 25-year-old daughter of a Christian pastor converted to Islam was hoodwinked by the Etsu’s charms. Not only did the girl convert, according to Oritsejafor, she married herself to the Etsu and moved to his palace thereby denying her father the heavy bride price due him. The young woman, who thankfully is older than six years, swears she crossed carpet to Islam on her own conviction. But Oritsejafor, who is an authority in hypnotism and does not trust himself to a fraction of Elijah’s powers, would have none of it, so, he has appealed to protests - Egypt style. He has promised to take the lead and deflect any stray teargas or bullet. Enemies vow that if Pastor Oritsejafor commits as much energy to telling truth to power, he can convert many. Since I am not amebo, I will not confront the church anointed. But before Ortisejafor’s religious army march into battle, let me raise a stronger alarm. A certain Imam Nuru Mohammed has converted the Catholic Archbishop of Abuja and Oritsejafor’s CAN predecessor, Cardinal John Olorunfemi Onaiyekan. This breaking news is exclusive. Before people accuse me of stoking religious tension, I have video proof. It was broadcast Sunday evening on NTA that Cardinal Onaiyekan was kidnapped from his priestly offices in Garki by Imam Nuru and driven to Mararaba to attend a Tafsir delivered before the breaking of the Ramadan fast. According to the video evidence broadcast by NTA, Imam Nuru even made Cardinal Onaiyekan eat kosai and drink koko with Muslim faithful in Mararaba after declaring that both Christians and Muslims worship the same Allah. Since then efforts by his Catholic brothers and sisters from Maiduguri and Potiskum to reach him by phone have proved futile. It is safe to conclude that the cardinal has been taken to a safe haven in the Etsu’s palace. My crystal ball says that the Cardinal has refused every effort to make him marry, swearing to die with his oath of celibacy. In the Ortisejafor School of Ministry, it is worse apostasy for a Bishop to be found in the congregation of Muslims. The two religions, though founded by children of the same father, do not see eye to eye. In case Pastor Oritsejafor has not been able to decipher this phenomenon with the rapacious accuracy with which he determines the number of Christians killed in a Boko Haram blast when the flames are still smouldering, let him be informed. This is not the first high-profile conversion. For a while now, one Imam Ashafa has been hypnotizing Pastor James Wuye into entering mosques not only in Kaduna and other parts of northern Naija, they have even carried their marriage of inconvenience to far-flung places. It is on record that after the carnage in Kenya following elections, the duo of Imam Ashafa and Pastor Wuye were invited to mend fences and that they did so successfully. There is no gainsaying the fact that Pastor Oritsejafor stands to gain from religious war. Having acquired all religious and not so religious titles in the course of his meritorious career as a man of God, Pastor Oritsejafor wants the title of Generalissimo of Christianity. This title, he so desires shall not be denied him provided he first publishes the income and expenditure account of his ministry for the last three years as well as that of CAN in at least five Naija newspapers. It shall also not be denied him; as long as he can bring evidence of any evil servant he has preached to and made to renounce corruption. Pastor Oritsejafor shall have his wish, provided also that apart from leading his proposed protest, he can show evidence that he has purchased enough bulletproof vests and helmets for all the protesters in case the Rivers Assembly drama is re-enacted on the streets. What more, he should also bring the evidence of five notable psychiatrists, at least two of who must practice outside Naija to prove that Aisha Uzoechina is mentally unstable and therefore not qualified to decide which religious persuasion best serves her interest. In addition, he should bring the evidence of the Imam who performed the Nikkah between Aisha and the Etsu Nupe. If he succeeds in bringing all these evidence, I assure him that I will stay ahead of him in his protest, irrespective of whether or not that age-old conflict between the Yagba and the Nupe is re-enacted.
Posted on: Wed, 31 Jul 2013 07:19:02 +0000
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