HOW TO HANDLE SOME DIFFICULTY POEOPLE Guard against anger . If it helps, consider the fact that your anger is actually a precious gift to the impossible person. Anything you do or say while angry will be used against you over and over again. Impossible people tend to have amazing memories, and they will not hesitate to use a nearly endless laundry list of complaints from the past against you. Five years from now, you could be hearing about the angry remark you made today (which you didnt even mean in the first place). Impossible people will seize anything that provides them the opportunity to lay blame like it was gold. Prepare for projection . Understand that you are going to be accused of much (or all) of this behavior yourself. If your impossible person gets a look at this text, to them it will look like a page about you. Prepare yourself for the fact that the impossible persons flaws and failings will always be attributed to you. Remember, in their minds, you are at fault for everything! They will have an endless supply of arguments to support this, and if you make the mistake of encouraging them, they will be more than happy to tell you why you are the impossible person, and how ironic it is that you are under the mistaken impression that it is them. Long-Term Management Be a manager. Until it is over, your task in the relationship is to manage the impossible person, so that he or she deals less damage to you. As a manager, your best resources are silence (it really is golden in some cases such as this), humoring the other, and abandoning all hope of fixing the impossible person. Impossible people do not listen to reason. They cant (and even if they could, they wouldnt). Recognize that you cant convince them that they have any responsibility for the problems between you. They dont recognize (or if they did, wouldnt try to improve) their flaws for a very logical reason; they dont have any flaws. You must understand and manage this mindset without casting blame and without giving in to anger. Its far easier said than done, and you will slip from time to time, but as time goes on, youll become a better manager. Consider that it might be a question of compatibility . Sometimes, a person who gets along with everybody else quite well is an impossible person for you personally. Most relationships between people contain many shades of gray, but some people simply mix as well as oil and water. It is common to hear your impossible person proclaim Everyone else likes me. This is an attempt to shift the blame to you, so dont buy it. It doesnt matter how this person interacts with others. The fact is, the way the two of you interact together is terrible. Remember that blame never changes the facts. Dont get cornered . Avoid one-on-ones with this type of person, actively; in other words, when you see them coming to corner you, suggest, and then demand that at least a third party be brought in. This will often thwart the impossible persons plans, and a typical response from them will be to unilaterally decide that we dont need anyone else. You are perfectly free to claim your need for a third party to help your understanding, and insist upon it. Bullies never stand up to a crowd. Protect your self-esteem . If you have regular dealings with someone who tries to portray you as the source of all evil, you need to take active steps to maintain a positive self- image. Remind yourself that this persons opinion is not necessarily the truth. Understand that oftentimes, impossible people are particularly fact- challenged. If the attacks have little basis in raw fact, dismiss them. You cant possibly be as bad as this person would like you to believe you are. Do not defend yourself out loud, however. It will only provoke the impossible person into another tirade. Prepare to part ways . Understand that eventually, youll have to create a separation between yourself and an impossible person. Whether they are a friend, a family member, a parent, even a spouse, the time to leave will eventually manifest. Maintaining a relationship with an impossible person is, literally, impossible. If you cant (or wont) make a physical departure immediately, make a mental one. In your mind, youve already left the relationship. The only thing left to do is wait for physical reality to reflect that fact. Avoid picking up impossible traits . If you arent careful, you could find yourself adopting much of the offenders own behavior, even if you arent voluntarily trying. Eschew blame entirely by understanding that this is just the way the other person is. These things define the impossible persons actions, and nothing you do can change any part of their past. Protect your privacy. Impossible people will use any information on your personal life however small as a trump card against you. They can spin stories about you to other people (especially those close to you both) on a simple comment you made over lunch. Since they are specialists in manipulation, they are very good at making you talk. Impossible people are good at seeming normal, and unless you are very convinced of who you are and where you stand in relation to the slight madness of this person, there will be times where you think Hey, shes not so bad after all. I guess I could tell her what I am going through these days.... Big mistake! It will come back to you when you least expect it, in the most dirty and manipulative way. Things shared in confidence late night at the office between the two of you can be used in an ice cold analysis in front of the whole company in a moment where the impossible person needs to get on top of you. He/she will spare no information to prove to others how well they know you, and such know what the best way to handle you is. Be the opposite of them: a possible person. Live as an example of tolerance, patience, humility, and kindness. We are all influenced by the people in our environment — they dont have to be perfect all the time and neither do you. Give respect because you are human. If you dont receive respect, thats -sadly- their problem. Give understanding, and you get understanding. Ultimately this sort of behavior is probably the only thing that might get through to them. They may not change in everything, but you can safely expect a change.
Posted on: Wed, 15 Jan 2014 23:55:28 +0000
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