Happy Birthday Mom. Happy Birthday Mrs. Chancellor. Happy Birthday Wilma Jeanne. I miss you terribly, especially today as I know you, like me, had a incredible joy in your heart for birthdays and Christmas. I spent much of yesterday channeling you I think. Mad, crazy rants about the bullshit that often drove you nuts. The lack of common sense. You were always so spot on about that, common sense. You were many things in your life, some not stellar, but you were always fair, just, humble, and gifted with a main street mentality where community gathered together to form a common, logical conclusion to questions that concerned them if only they looked to their hearts for the answers. Yes, I believe yesterday was all about you. And like you I had some who agreed and those who did not, but no love lost for either. Heres an admission, maybe its your gift on what would have been you 86th year... Buying a gift for you was alway a pain in the butt. Nothing, and I mean nothing ever seemed to fit the bill. And its not that you had everything - I know you always dreamed of driving around in a Rolls, but truth there, you would have felt dumb doing so - but things for you never felt right. So I ended up, like some bad commercial, always buying you a sweater (the equivalent of buying dad a tie for fathers day!) You would open it, give me a sweet smile, but I know it never hit the bullseye. And it wasn that you were ungrateful, or that you even knew why your reaction wasnt beaming. In the end, stuff meant nothing to you. Family and friends meant everything. And love. And respect. Youd be amazed to see the daily outpouring of love for you right here, in this forum. (Youd also probably think I was a bit nuts for sharing so much, so publicly) but you have an enormous family that survives you. You have a family that despite the darker parts of your life (some really hate swearing) they still love you, admire you, respect you and sorely miss you. Im amazed as I travel the country how many people loved you over the years. I will most likely always be Mrs. Chancellors son! And I good with that. To know that you are so honored and loved means the world to me. I cant lie and say its been a bed of roses since your departure. It hasnt. Lots of soul searching without the comfort of your shoulder to lean on when I turn darker corners myself. I do have my family here and they have been incredibly supportive, but alas, they are not you. There was just something about you. So truthful. More God loving than most that I have met over the last few years. God loving. Not God fearing. Like you, I just dont get that. Your relationship was extraordinarily real, and again, truthful. Know that your wisdom there was passed on and well received. I cant say for certain and with all my heart I know where you are right now, Im still grappling with those lofty notions, but I do know the impact you left on me, your family and friends, both here, in this conversation and across the globe. You were a moment of bright light. You had to be. So much of what you did in your life most people would question and some even detest, but still, you were and continue to be loved - despite it all! Magnificent. And to that end, I know you are in Gods loving embrace - whatever that looks like. I miss you but I dont miss having to buy you a goofy sweater just to see that half smile on your face. You loved letters, hand made cards...words from the heart no matter how they were conveyed - that meant something to you, at least I think - so this is my attempt at that. And no matter where you are I know it doesnt take technology like this to get these words to you, you are reading them as I write. I can feel your smile, I can feel you shoulder beckoning me to lay my head on it and tell me all is good - I will be good - the world is good. Happy Birthday. Happy Everyday. Eternally. Your oldest son.
Posted on: Sat, 25 Oct 2014 14:13:05 +0000
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