Having a complete nervous breakdown, as I did in February after my husbands death, and having it become a public affair was a humbling humiliation I dont want to ever go through again. So Im in counseling and researching, slowly as suggested, all avenues that may help me through this process. If you have a suggestion just message me with it. Please dont be crewel about it.. some already have. Suggestions of how to cope with a loved ones passing. found at wikihow/Live-After-the-Death-of-a-Spouse 1: Before you move on, fulfill any request that your late partner explicitly said before passing away. If there was no time as with a sudden death for a final request, explore ideas to gift or honor your late partner. This will give you a peace of mind, and will ensure that you will not have any mental obstacles in your new life. 2: Know that it will take time before you can begin to feel a sense of normal again. It will not just disappear, and it will not heal itself. Be patient with yourself as you work through the process of grief. Grief is a journey that lasts as long as it takes to reconcile all issues pertaining to death, your loved one, yourself, your relationship(good/bad) to bring peace and understanding. 3: Understand that there are stages you will go through and they are not linear. You will experience denial, anger, resentment, yearning, suffering, sadness, and eventually an acceptance. However, you may not do them in this order and you may, much like a roller coaster ride, go over these stages repeatedly over the course of your grief journey with regard to the same loss. 4: Do not pay attention to those who try to tell you that you are not grieving properly. Instead, thank s/he for their concern allow them to know everyone grieves differently. Grief is as individual as you are, as your partner was, and as your relationship was. Specifically, you will likely deal with some who thinks you are healing too fast and those who think you have become stuck in your grief. If you have concerns about either, talk to a grief counselor or therapist, s/he has training and experience to help you navigate through your grief as well as help you build self esteem. 5: Realize that you have choices. There is a time when you need to cry and go through the suffering to get to the other side. There will come a time when you are ready to actively participate in grief work to bring healing to have a new life 6: Do not worry that you will forget your spouse. 7: Ask yourself what it was that you have always wanted to do but something you never had time to do because of family obligations. Now is the time to do it! Be anything you want to be. Become an artist, a pilot, or a scuba diver. Take a ride in a hot air balloon. Most of all, strive to be happy and fulfilled. Your dreams can become a reality and help fill the void in your life. You will meet new people and realize that life can be satisfying and exciting even if you are alone. 8: Be patient because this change may not come quickly or easily. 9: Adopt a pet. If you dont have the energy to give a great amount of attention to a pet, consider a cat. They make great companions. They are clean and do not have to be walked. They give you love and affection. They give you someone to care for and care about. They will greet you when you come home, and lie on your lap while you watch TV. If you are not a cat person get a dog, or whatever pet makes you happiest. Understand that the pet will not replace your love, nor is it meant to, but animals can make you smile, listen to you when you feel like talking to fill a lonely day. 10: Volunteer When you are ready or have energy, volunteer your time to a cause or something that you feel strongly about. Helping others can have a wonderful effect on ourselves.#Join the library and read. Most libraries have library buses that bring books to your neighborhood. Or you can rent a DVD, or watch movies on the TV. Write letters, or become a phone companion, a group that is backed by the Police Community Service. They make daily calls to shut-ins, to make sure that they are safe. Talk to them to keep them company and they will be keeping you company as well. _____________________________________________________________________ So there is a basic formula but living through this is no cake walk. Hope people can be patient as I let go of resentments and get over moving.. hell just getting over myself!!! Yes, getting over myself is the biggest obstacle I face right now. I have a wonderful dog that loves me so much. I have a wonderful friend that has opened up her house and her life to include me. The rest is just excrement in my life. Affirmation for today: Let go of the haters!!! Remember its just rumors. Hold your head up. Look people in the eye. In the end it usually ends up that people like that get caught in their lies. Be aware of your surroundings. (There had been a bit of violence recently..) And most of all love yourself as you were loved! Your husband loved you so much and so does the few friends you have left. Look through their eyes for a change. Remember that this too shall pass.. even if you do hate mottoes so much!
Posted on: Thu, 26 Jun 2014 20:03:38 +0000
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