Having one of those days. The ones where things feel hopeless, nothing fits, Im over-tired for no apparent reason, my house is a catastrophe, and I feel like slime. The problem is, I have these days more often than not. Some people have skinny days... I have not feeling quite as fat, but still fat days. I have no drive. No ambition. And I just want to cry. The kids want to go outside and I just want to hide under a rock. I wear tshirts to the pool. I let my cellulite out for a stroll around the pool yesterday and immediately regretted it. Oh, but you have two kids!. Yeah. I gave birth to the most recent child two years ago and still havent got the drive or the energy to deal with my expanding waistline. And the saddest part? Im not thinking of dieting to be healthy. Im thinking of dieting so I can at least be considered on par with the worlds standards. With the standards of what is a socially acceptable body. I hate wearing tight shirts. I hate what nursing has done to my chest. I will never, ever wish I had not had my babies, but its hard to get over the damage done to ones body during pregnancy. Im not into fad diets and running is not my forte. The most unfortunate thing is that I will never be happy with myself. Even if I was perfectly fit. I just wont. I dont know why. And I feel like... I feel, not him... like looking this way should be a total turn off to my significant other. Especially when there are so many fit young women in this world who have never had children. Women who have time, energy and youth on their side. I dont want sympathy. I dont want to join a health supplement routine. I just dont want to feel this way anymore. And I feel alone in this, though Im sure Im not. It makes everday a struggle when I feel like Im not good enough to be seen in public. Seriously though. Does anyone else feel this way everyday? Do you ever fear someday your spouse will get bored of you and your body? I just dont know how to feel better. I didnt even like myself when I was thin in highschool... :(
Posted on: Wed, 16 Jul 2014 19:54:06 +0000
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