Hazel Lucille Kraber Mathews, Dec 3, 1915- Aug 7, 2012 It’s been one year and a day since Grammy went to play cards with Grandpa Bud and Growly Grandpa. It might be why a deck of cards showed up on the bookshelf. I have been running nearly every day since. I only spend one day a week at home (to do laundry and some cleaning) otherwise, I find somewhere to go, something to do until after nine a night. I talked with a couple friends about Mama and you today. One asked why I wasn’t writing and reminded me that I used to love to write and encouraged her to write. I wrote because I loved it. I read or told it to Grandma E, then to you and lastly to Mama. Now I don’t have them or you. I wrote because it made me feel alive, different from the rest of the kids. I was someone in their eyes and yours. I was the storyteller, the writer. Without you or them, I don’t feel the need to be anyone. Everyone’s life has moved on. We are trying to stay in touch with each other, but my life doesn’t mix with theirs as theirs doesn’t mix with mine. It’s not that we aren’t getting alone we are surprisingly. We are staying in contact, with an exception of a couple, in part on me. I stay busy so I don’t have to think and this leads to not calling or stopping long enough to make contact if the one attempt doesn’t get results. I think about writing something, but when I sit down to type, nothing comes out. I thought about a story we talked about on our walks, ‘The Reading Tree’. I remember us talking out the entire story a basic outline. It may be something I can get down on paper. I don’t know if it will translate into anything though, but it may be just something that I need to put down on paper. I look at the cards on the shelf and think I just want to play another game of Shanghai Rummy with you Grammy. We could talk about the big houses, Grandpa fishing, how you always wanted cats and then start over because it would be all new the next day. I want it to be a new day. I miss you Grammy. I love and miss all of you.
Posted on: Fri, 09 Aug 2013 04:30:08 +0000
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