Heartache #372 I usually am overly noisy. Stop. Dig into - TopicsExpress



          

Heartache #372 I usually am overly noisy. Stop. Dig into everything. I pasted a lady in my office sitting in a wheelchair. She said are you the lady Im to see? I said I dont know. Let me look. I headed into my office and 3 mins later my MA comes in and says theres a patient were Dr R wants you to meet. I say ok. I go out and shes gone. Her ride wouldnt wait. A week later she starts at my unit but I havent met her yet. Shes now my patient since she will go to my unit. She ends up with access issues and feels lost. I schedule to meet her that week and fit her in. I start off by fixing her issues and then I apologize for not stopping to fully meet her the first time. I just didnt know who she was and uncharacteristically waited to find out instead of attacked to discover. She says its ok but she felt lost in the crowd. I never fully forgive myself from deviating from my usual tenacity. She needs hip surgery. It hurts her. Weekly I work to arrange her needed things. I explain to person after person the history the plan. We try to get her situated on dialysis. I have a deadline. I feel I came in at the end and am scrambling. It seems to fall together. She is cleared for surgery just in time for the scheduled date. We laughed bc we have this crazy way we met and she humbled me. Then bc the hip suddenly breaks while the taxi stops taking her home from dialysis she needs urgent surgery. Nevertheless, she does well with surgery and I go to see her today three days later as my partners saw her initially. Im stopped in the hallways. She died suddenly at 2am. Im lost for words except to tell a story of how we met. What I wanted to do to help her. How I felt sad I failed her initially to just connect but how we became good trusted journeymen. Her last conversation with me was happy trusting hopeful. My last thought of her was admiration and humility. I was going to run into her room tell her Im finally glad to see the surgery done. Now I have grief. Meet V. She was a smart tough forgiving hopeful lady. She did dialysis. She died trying. I always wish I couldve helped more.
Posted on: Tue, 28 Oct 2014 16:10:07 +0000

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