Hello again in FB friends. I know my lack of posts may worry some of you. But no need. The kids and i are hanging in there. Nik got to be a part of the Fraser districts victory. And from what he said he is getting to get a districts medal. Rachel Wiedyk my plan not only worked but worked out better than i could have ever hoped. Nik has been warming up the Varsity team and has been on the bench. So as far as i can tell he is doin good. Ellen is surely smiling down in him right now. Today was one of those days for me that i just couldnt get away from it. If u know what i mean. Im sure this is all normal i get it but this grief process sux. But im still climbing this very tall mountain. No time to give up. Oh ive thought about curling up into a ball. But no good would come of it. So over the last week or so ive become a big fan of Pop Evil. Their Torn to Pieces song is awesome but the one i attached......it helps me to explain to some of you what my hell is like. So please take a few to listen. while most of it kinda dosent apply the chours in a way does. It goes like this........... I know ive been wrong, i dont have all the answers Im stuck in this hell, somewhere in between, What i want and what i need, i dont have a good reason, But now that your gone only silence and scars remain. In a way it kinda fits. I dont have the answers right now but thats not to say i wont find them. It just going to take time. I cannot sleep tonight its 1:34 am. I know in a few hours i have to get the kids going, i have to get back to work. Ive gone the last 2 days but only for a few hours. My boss told me to ease back into it, so i am. I do continue to thank all who still hold my family in their prayers. And for the Mark Twain staff and lunch moms for their support. My path still remains unclear. And it will for some time. But we are surviving. Atleast for now. So as i stare at the clock and realize that im soo gonna be screwed in 5 hrs i cant help but think of the wonderful legacy Ellen Coates Whisman left behind. She touched so many lives. Was a part of so much. Was a part of me. there were 190 people at her funeral. If that does not say something about her, idk what will. She was my balance. And now im off. She was my voice of reason. Which i hope will still be there. But the pain i feel, that i see in my kids eyes, nothing can take that away but time. And time seems to be ticking by ever so slowly. One day at a time. I know this. However im struggling to get through today and it has not even begun. Thanks again for my what ever you want to call this. B
Posted on: Fri, 17 Oct 2014 05:52:37 +0000
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