Her child is making yours miserable, and you want it to stop — now. Here, the smart way to get her to talk some sense into her kid. Youve got a great kid, but the bully who lives down the street doesnt agree. Hes always picking on your child — shoving him, swiping his scooter, calling him a loser — even though your son has asked him to stop. You know you need to talk to this little stinkers mom, but you worry: What if you arent able to speak coherently (youre that angry), or shes as unnervingly nasty as her kid? Heres how to make yourself heard. Step 1: Dont judge her. Maybe you have a pet theory as to how this woman has managed to raise that big bully of hers (I bet shes one of those really irresponsible types, and lets him watch a ton of violent TV!). Forget all that. If you go into the conversation with a negative opinion of her — and the attitude that youre a better parent than she is — shell smell it and wont want to help you, cautions Rosalind Wiseman, author of Queen Bee Moms & Kingpin Dads: Dealing with the Difficult Parents in Your Childs Life . The truth is, you dont know a thing about her parenting style or what kind of rapport you two will have, so make no assumptions. Step 2: Propose a private conversation. You want to minimize public embarrassment here. And it doesnt matter if you phone her or catch her when shes walking past your house. Just say, Hi, I have something I want to talk to you about. Is this a good time? If she says, Sure, but you hear her kid bawling for her, ask to talk later, uninterrupted, for a brief period. Otherwise, youll rush awkwardly through the talk and nothing will be resolved. Step 3: Ask for her help. Try, Ive got a problem that I hope you can help me with, says Wiseman; most people are inclined to feel cooperative when you take a wereonthesameside approach. Consider adding, Im a little uncomfortable talking to you like this, but I feel its important. No need to pretend youre cool as a cuke; youre human, and admitting youre anxious makes you easier to relate to. Step 4: Give just the facts. When you describe the situation, leave out words like bullying and mean. This woman loves her child as much as you love yours, so judgmental language will antagonize her. Instead, just convey the basics, as in: A month ago, Emma told me that Nicole banned her from the clubhouse the girls use, and started calling her stupid and pushing her away. Emma asked Nicole to stop, but she hasnt. I know Emma may not have told me the whole story, but somethings up.
Posted on: Tue, 04 Mar 2014 13:22:02 +0000
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