Here I am at another big turning point. I look back over my career, and its a list of names that my friends and I made up to describe ourselves, as we incarnated into various groups to do and create things together. As time passes, the meaning of the names changes, memories of the Work fade and transform. I realize most of it was never recorded, just moments that flashed across the surface and through the weave of things. And now some of those friends are dead, some of them hate me, some love me still, some are magnified or diminished, all of us are changed. I wonder sometimes if one of these groups will ever really stick, and become the One Thing that I do for the rest of my life; or if that One Thing will turn out to have just been me, Noah, with the list of old names growing longer behind me. Tarterus, Youth Political Collective, Poor Old Timer, Clan MacColin, Nequaquam Vacuum, Soriah, 36 Invisibles, 2 Gyrlz, P.A.N., PAN!ZEN, Radon, The Moe!Kestra!, Cicuri Curajul, Societas Insomnia, 999 EYES FREAKSHOW (nee ov Endless Dream Carnival of the Damned), Steve Mackay Ensemble, Villainaires Academy, Someday Lounge, Battys Hippodrome, Day of the Zombie, Rotture, Branx Pdx, Wanderlust Circus, Doom School, Bogville Creature Features, Salon LOrient, Queen of Knives, Miss Kennedys Theater of Burlesque, now Super Geek League. And thats not even close to the whole list. The rest are scarcely remembered, I imagine: Autism, Clouds of Blood, The Devils Electric Carrot, Dig the Butcher, Cabaret Babylon, The Mickens Brothers, The Canterbury Whimsicals, The MBFVG Boys... I could go on and on and on. These building blocks of who I am right now, in this instant, typing and pondering an always-uncertain future. I would like to rest. I would like not to worry about whats coming next, when the money runs out again and my friends turn against me again and I once again take a great heavy hammer to my own life and am left standing among the pieces wondering what went wrong. Yet at once I am eager for the next spark, the next idea, the next krewe of misfit geniuses to gather together and turn ourselves inside-out. Always the lonely widow. Now what, O Dark Beyond? What voice of yours shall I follow next?
Posted on: Tue, 08 Jul 2014 06:43:18 +0000
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