Heres a list of things I did this past year: 1. Made peace with a lot of people that Id had encounters with during my Era of Turbulence, which itself drew to a soft close in 2014. This was difficult and not rewarding in the straightforward way. But it also means Ive forgiven many things I was heretofore unable to, and apologized for my part. Ive even forgiven people for things that they did to me that were objectively wrong --- not because they werent wrong, but because Im increasingly persuaded by a combination of the Fundamental Attribution Error, Kantian deontological ethics, and Buddhist not-self-ism that people often really arent in charge of who they are or what they do, at least without a lot of meditation, art, and other forms of practice. Unless you work hard, the suffering you have experienced will eventually be passed to someone else because you did not cure the spiritual illness before wiping your spiritual nose on your spiritual sleeve, which is, after all, also where you keep your heart. (Unsanitary!) So get on that cushion, or pick up that pencil, and commence. And do it again and again and again. I am here with you. 2. Acknowledge and accept the approaching collapse of industrial civilization, as a probably inevitable consequence of technological progress. Ive been a fan of technology my whole life. I even stood in line, briefly, for an iPad 2. But its hard to cheer technological progress when you begin to cultivate a vivid awareness of the relationship between capital and technology (thanks, Thomas Piketty!) and capitalism and ecological degradation (thanks, Naomi Klein!) Dont get me wrong, we might just yet get solar panels on every roof and a billion extra volts of electricity in every car, every breaker box, and there is even the possibility that we would use these extra volts for good things. But were still running out of fish. Someone, somewhere is still turning on a coal plant every few hours. Were still running short on rainforests. And California is still in drought, England is still icelocked, and the jet stream is still on a crazy, wavy, Rossby adventure. Food prices are still climbing. My gut says were not going to make it to implementing clean energy on a planetary scale before most of us run out of things to eat, and even if we do, were going to use our new technologies to consume more, rather than less. We will find a way. We always have. Energy conservation is the biggest, gushiest oil well, and were gonna tap it and use it just like all the rest. And when its done, we will have none. The usual deal. And then there is the little matter of the methane, and what we now know of its role in the history of mass extinctions and abrupt climate change on this planet. We know that we could have as few as thirteen years, once the clathrates start releasing in earnest. And if they dont start releasing (per impossible, because they already have,) we will find some other damn fool way of shitting in our nests. Like replacing your job with AI and a robot. Its coming, assholes, so stop laughing nervously and start fearing Siri. Shes snitching you to the NSA already anyway. The future wont even be a human boot stomping on a human face. Well have an app for it. So 2014 was the year a technologist became some kind of luddite. Gonna need some serious retraining. 3. Writing. Poetry. Piano. Calligraphy. Singing. Something woke up in me this year. I blame my right hand. The backstory is that I began doing calligraphy with my right hand, my wrong hand, as a sort of joke. But it turned out beautifully. Then I discovered that I could draw with my right hand. Ive never been able to draw before. My drawings arent great, but theyre okay, and getting better. Interestingly, it also changed the way I make music, and even what I write (not just how.) In all cases: still not great (not practiced,) but getting better, and vastly better in comparison to what came before. Its sort of like finding a turn on second engine button on your cars dashboard, only to discover the second engine, while awesome, needs some maintenance due to years of neglect and underuse. This also seems to be helping my emotional stability. In that Im getting some. Intellectually, creatively, artistically, Im not coming into my own precisely, but I am coming into the ability to come into my own. If thats what I choose. If thats what time allows. 4. Yoga. Meeting people for coffee. Meditation. I started doing yoga again this year, thanks to the amazing Karma Yogi program at Unity Yoga, which lets me trade work in kind for classes. Im also cultivating a meditation habit, and finally, Im also climbing out of the antisocial hypersensitive triggery space I was left in by several years of tight funds and a variety of related ills (poor medical care, moneyfights with my partner, multiple evictions.) Ive got work around people, now, and I love it. I love working with people. So much for my hermitage. And good riddance. Spirituality doesnt have to be about sitting alone on a rock. Its about sitting on a rock with other people, and maybe going for coffee after. 5. Bankruptcy!!! I stumbled, bleary but on two feet, from the smoking wreck of my 2011-13 finances. It was hard. Im fundamentally scrupulous, so admitting I couldnt pay off the medical debt I accrued in my transition was humbling. Which is to say, my pride made it impossible for several years. 2014 was the year my pride was finally vanquished, and that was a really wonderful thing. Here are the accomplishments I want in my stocking next Christmas: 1. More music, more writing, more art. Im concerned that I should focus on one of these, to be anything other than a dilettante, but you know what? Im not going to prune myself, like some kind of existential bonsai. If one of these interests comes to dominate, thats great, but otherwise, I want to do more of all of them. 2. Finally learn Japanese properly. This is becoming urgent. My coworkers, my partner, her family, and ever so many of my friends all speak this language. I need this language. I want this language. I will have this language. 3. A year of regular meditation. Ive got a deep practice but not a regular practice, and I want that to change. An hour here and there is not as good as ten minutes a day. Realistically, Im going to aim for about 30min on average. I also want to learn Pali and study Buddhist thought. Not one of those lets-Googlify-mindfulness Buddhists. I want to know what it is that Im practicing, and I want the richness that comes from understanding the history of your faith. 4. Daily creative practice. My head and my heart are exploding ever since the softwares reloading. Before these passions start molding, Id like to begin folding them like origami, not for a good reason, just because it pleases me. Lets see if I can make a thousand craniums go ping with what I sing. 5. Continue growing in peacefulness, gentleness, mindfulness, and responsibility. No explanation needed.
Posted on: Sun, 04 Jan 2015 04:24:24 +0000
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