Hey Im back!! and Yes, its been a long time - please wait a sec as I scold myself: bad Richard! As I sit down to write this Im using all of my mental energy to make sure that this time, I finish it. If I do indeed finish, I will reward myself by reading a chapter of Game of Thrones (or two/three/four/over nine thousand)...... or maybe Ill just stop and read it five minutes from now, who knows! So ANYWAY, Ive been living in Belgrade and everything for the past three and a half weeks and the weird thing is... Its finally starting to feel normal. You know, not the bad, I-dont-appreciate-this-awesome-blessing-Ive-been-given kind of normal, but the one that comes along when you finally feel established in a new environment. Wherever you are, I feel like thats the only time when you really start living, when the I-finally-feel-established kind of normal sets in. So its been a couple days since I reached that point, but around when I first did it frankly sucked a lot. I felt trapped. I felt that since I 1) didnt speak the language and 2) was a foreigner in the city, I would never be able to get out of the box I was in: get up, go to work and talk minimally, go to homestay, go to SIT, hang out with only Duke people, go to bed, repeat.... okay that cycle is pretty reductionist (Im not actually that basic) but it gets the point across... I actually wrote about what I was feeling (I know, Im proud of myself too), so Im just gonna copy and paste that entry here so you get my gist: wait one sec, OMG Im listening to Pentatonix right now and this is so good (sorry I have no restraint while writing (and editing) my adventure logs) take a listen RIGHT NOW as you read this. https://youtube/watch?v=0dYlvdLdK9w also this https://youtube/watch?v=uJ4diEohODE (actually just watch their whole channel) okay sorry back to the blog -> Sometime in the recent past... I think last Wednesday? I should really start dating these things. Tribulated Serbia. Week Three. Its appalling that I havent updated my adventure log until now, but thats not important (really). I have one regret: not being able to speak Serbian. I hate not being able to communicate and connect with people on their level... In order for any sort of connection to happen they have to get on mine (lol) by speaking English, and I feel that the only way to really get to know the soul of a person is to connect with them on their own terms as they connect with you on yours. So, in a perfect world I would be a fluent Serbian speaker, but this world isnt perfect and Ive been living in this imperfect world all my life so Id like to think that I can handle this sort of thing pretty well by now. Good, thats out of the way. Besides that, Im really enjoying this adventure. I CANNOT BELIEVE ITS BEEN ALMOST THREE WEEKS?? Im feeling sort of restless at the moment, and I think its because Im ready to start having a routine. Its so strange that Ill have a routine here, but if I dont I think Ill miss the whole point of immersion. Its really exciting actually. So I think Im at this threshold - either continue growing, branch out and really become independent and one with the city, or 2) stagnate, remain in my comfort zone and harden myself to the impacts that life (God) has in store for me. I really hope I dont choose 2).... but frankly, choosing number one is really frightening! First of all I have no idea how to just go out and be independent when I dont speak the language, second, how will I make Serbian friends?? HOW! And 3) idk but I think the reason why this makes me so uncomfortable (in a good, growth kind of way) is because I have NO idea how it will play out. I kinda know it will happen, but I hate not knowing how, and Im scared that because of that Ill stop whatevers going to happen from happening. Am I making sense? Argh@ oidasfojandsfiov jdz Sorry, had to get that out of my system. So now you see my dilemma. AND the thing is that (i think) as a coping mechanism with not knowing things, I tend to waste so much time doing things like watching youtube and reading and stuff. Yes, before you tell me, I know reading is not a waste and Im not talking about that., but I really just want to BREAK FREE from this semi-pseudo-fear and be spontaneous and crazy and (responsible) and start living the life I would live if I actually did live here. Which I do. So I have no reason not to do that. oisandvoiandvoin ROAR RICHARD ANGRY -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- yep and thats all that I got out that day haha Theres more to this story and Im at a different place now, but thats all Ill post in one sitting becauseeeee I think I may have reached the end of the allotted attention that most of yall are willing to give me. I will post more I promise! (maybe even tonight....lol probably not) but for now I BID THEE FAREWELL, I must away to the theatre. -end scene-
Posted on: Tue, 17 Jun 2014 17:11:27 +0000