Hey Zane. If you ever have the chance Miss Zane please post this to your facebook as I would love others opinions as well. Im 19 years old and Im stressed. I feel like I am too young to stress this much. My issue lies with my family. I just feel like its time to speak up and just let go. I dont want to let go forever but I just want some time away from them where I can find peace. My family has not been supportive of me at all. Dont get me wrong, I havent bitten the hands that fed me. I have always been well taken care of and have always received what I wanted but they did not give me what I needed most. They did not support my wanting to go to college. I felt like my mother did not want me to go to school. The months before my graduation in 2013 any topic regarding college she always seemed like she had an attitude. I felt like she was acting jealous because she didnt get to go off to college due to personal reasons I do not wish to discuss in further detail. It was nothing bad, it was her being an irresponsible teenager which is no fault of mine. I just always thought going to college was something most parents would want for their children. I got accepted into 3 Universities and couldnt afford them. It was a sad point in my life because I felt like gaining the college experience would make up for a terrible 4 years in High School. I looked for co-signers and some were denied and some refused. Its understandable. What irritated me was that my family didnt make the effort to help me with the process and I felt that I was alone. It was like once I turned 18 I was on my own. How can an 18 year old survive out in the world with no guidance? My grandmother did help and my father did sometimes. I cant lie and say I was a star student but that doesnt mean I was a terrible student. I wanted to further my education. I WANT to go as far as a PhD. I did enroll into community college and my parents were supposed to go half on my tuition and ended up leaving me to pay tuition by my lonesome. I still owe the school money and havent been able to continue school because of those reasons. Im not saying they owe it to me to pay for my education but they BOTH agreed to doing so and expected me to pay for school with a $7.99 paying job and no guaranteed hours a week. I never ask for ANYTHING. I wouldnt ask for a dime even if I was desperate for it. I feel like, if I dont have it I wont die from not having it. I find ways to manage. I just feel that its unfair how my family can support paying bail bonds for people that got themselves in jail, people that arent even family but wont support my choice to go to school. On my mothers side, no one has gone to college and earned a degree. Some barely even finished High School. Here I am trying to get a college education and I cant because I cant afford it. Just recently I purchased my own car with my own money(I lucked up with a great deal), and got a new PT job in the social services field(planning to grow within the non-profit organization). I have to pay for my own car insurance and my own phone bill. I salute myself for being able to handle all of this at my age, I do plan to soon get an apartment but I feel so overwhelmed. In 2010 I also got braces put on and now I am left with the bill! I didnt even want braces to begin with.. My teeth are worse than when they first got put on! I have to pay for braces that my parents were supposed to pay for $3,000, I have to pay for school $2,180(this has to be paid all at once, I didnt receive financial aid), I have to pay for car insurance, and I have my phone bill. It may not seem like much but when you calculate gas, car maintenance, its a lot for me to handle. ALSO, my father just purchased a new bmw after complaining about how he is struggling to pay CS and refusing to help me with school. His CS is like $20. My question is, do you feel that I am being selfish for feeling the way I do? Sometimes I get angry with myself because I feel like I am being snotty. I go an extra mile for my family, why cant they support my dream? I love learning. All I want is for them to see that. Thank you for your time Zane and god bless. MY RESPONSE: This truly saddens me. Baby Girl, I commend you for wanting to attend college. Your family is not used ot that dream or they do not believe that dream can be achieved but it can be and I am confident that you will make it happen. You may not be able to do it immediately but you can do it. You did not get any financial aide but have you inquired at the schools about any scholarships that may be available? Do some research about grants and scholarships from organizations and corporations that may be geared toward getting females into certain industries. Go to fastweb and do a search for school money. Go to, or call one of the schools where you were accepted, ask to speak to the registrar and tell him or her your story. You are going to have to make yourself become more than a number to the people who can help you. I know for a fact that if I were someone in that kind of position at a university, I would help you get the money based off your email alone. Write letters, make phone calls, do whatever it takes. In Tavis Smileys autobiography, he talked about how he could not afford college but went there every day and sat through class anyway until someone there decided to help him get the money for school because they saw how dedicated he was to making it happen. Look at all that you have done on your own because your parents cut you off. You can get that PhD on your own as well and leave them looking foolish. Your family cannot see the dream because they do not have the same one. Yes, they should be more supportive. Yes, you should be more important than your father getting a new car. But realize that you are not alone in this. A lot of children are left to fend for themselves at 18 and it is truly a sad thing. When I became a mother, I became a mother for life.
Posted on: Sun, 13 Jul 2014 11:43:10 +0000