Hey everybody, remember that “No sissy, no chubby” post? I wrote it. When I wrote it, I wasn’t expecting much but to just get it out there. Thank you and hugs to those who liked, shared and commented on it. Of course, there were also negative comments, which I expected and didn’t mind. But I didn’t expect someone to write in a counter-post. Although I don’t have to respond to it, I feel some clarifications are in order. To that person who sent in the counter-post: 1) Sorry if what I wrote offended you. Maybe it sounded like I was chastising the guys who put up those “preferences” and that rubbed you the wrong way. 2) But here’s the thing. The post wasn’t about those guys or even entirely about me. Rather it’s about how I (and I assume, many others) feel when we see those lines. It’s not about denying anyone their preferences, but it was about giving voice to my silenced thoughts. 3) If you somehow missed the last few lines in my post, I didnt complain about not getting these guys’ attention. The last few lines implicitly say that I love myself enough. Maybe it wasn’t clear (I’m not much of a writer, I’m afraid), I do stay away from them. 4) In the last line of my post, I also said I try not to be superficial. Yes, I have a “type”. But do I immediately dismiss someone because he’s not my type? No. I hope you don’t either. I’ve read some amazing stories here about how people find love with those who are against their type. That’s what I wanted encourage. For people to open themselves up to possibilities instead of putting themselves and others in oversimplified boxes. 5) Do you know how damaging those so-called “preferences” are? For you, those preferences are easy to brush off. But what about the 15-year old who’s unsure of himself? Or the 40-year old that’s losing confidence because of his age? How does it affect their self-worth? These words hurt, whether you ignore the people saying them or not. 6) In terms of the community, these preferences also shape a distorted perception of the ideal man. It becomes internalized homophobia, where gay men see effeminate men as girls and not real men. One line I’ve seen somewhere: “I won’t entertain sissies. If I wanted to like sissies, I might as well be straight”. It becomes self-hate, where effeminate guys also start posting the same “no sissies” line. 7) Let me draw you a parallel. What if you go to a shop and the shopkeeper says, “Sorry, we don’t serve your kind”. Do you simply go to another shop and move on with your life, or do you at least say, “I won’t stand for this”? Im not one to sit down and take it. Not because Im desperate for those guys, but because I don’t agree with the principles. 8) There is much to be said about this issues but this post is already too long. Sorry for that. If you still want to debate or discuss anything, please feel free to ask admin for my email address and we can have a discourse via email. 9) Lastly, thank you for saying your piece. But you did sound very angry, for whatever reason. I wish you lots of love and light to wash away that anger. Also, thank you for everyone who read this unnecessarily long post. I tried to trim as much of it as possible but some things just had to said. Sorry if I bored you guys. Thanks for reading :) [Malaysia]
Posted on: Sat, 26 Oct 2013 06:00:01 +0000
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