Hey everyone this is Hammy, and I would like to share some personal things with you. I was out fishing the other day when my brain started to wonder. I started to think back to when I was in Iraq. I started to think about the guy’s I served with; then my mind started to think about the missions I went on. What we did TCP’s, Escorts, over watch, patrols, QRF, and of course guard duty. See I miss that life, I miss being there. However there are some things about being there that I do not miss. I am now out of the Army and in civilian life. But I can’t stop looking around everywhere I go (all of us do it) I see these people who are just so unaware of how things are. For example I drive 65mph on almost every street, I see something on the side of the road I can’t make out I swerve to the other side. My friends (Civilian) look at me like I have lost my mind. When in traffic I am in heightened alert looking around for threats. What I go to a bar/ Restaurant I need to be in a corner back to the wall I have to be able to see all exits, and people or I will go somewhere else. And that is to name a few. But what I know they (civilian friends) will never be able to understand is why I can’t sleep and if I do it is 3 or 4 hours max a night. How I ask myself on a daily basis what I could have done so this did not happen or that didnt happen. How the feeling of anger, rage, hatred build up in me with a force that even the most powerful dam in the world cannot hold back. How I shut myself off from the outside world for 2 years, I did not leave my dad’s house for 2 years. I lost a marriage, but who’s to say it wouldnt have failed anyway, I drank, I fought, I hated everything about me. I destroyed every relationship I have ever been in. I was slowly losing it. I looked at my gun on a daily basis and smiled. Until about a year ago when my father and his friend kicked my ass and threw me in the truck (my dad a 69 year old man and his friend another 69 year old man kicked my ass) a dragged me down to the VA where I got the help I needed. His words to me were and I will never forget them as long as I live “I got you; I will never let you go. I will never give up on you, Never!” I got the help I needed and he never gave up, no matter how much of an asshole I was or what I did he was there for me. I beg you; if you need help we are here. And we will not give up. ~Hammy
Posted on: Wed, 23 Apr 2014 17:00:00 +0000
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