Hey handsome just checking in while the night air is cold and i wait for your warmth when i go beddy buys, today has been pretty hands on. I can acutally say with all honesty today is the first time i have spent more than 5 min in our room, everywhere i look you have left a massive trail of comfort right down to the smell and the socks under the bed lol. All the small thinga bring such a big smile to my face and then as always a flood of sadness, a sadness that cuts so deep and tears to far. As always me been me i hold back the tears as i feel your strength pushing me forward to do the things that need to be done.. I feel quilty for smiling about the happy times because i should be smiling about my future with you, in all this heart ache i already have what ive always wanted and that was to spend the rest of my life with you, i might not get that in body but i get it in the presence and comfort you have left for me inside my heart and inside our room. I get to spend the rest of my life loving you no matter where you may be and that will always be the best part of me, it will be the part i carry on... I dont believe i have yet fully had my chance to let everything go and just grieve im still wound up in organising your place in this world and the important tasks that require me to be strong. I cant wait to hold you as one, I cant wait to take you home to your dad and sit with him and just cry... I spoke to him and michelle tonight had a nice chat, a chat you would be listening too so there is no need to go into detail. It was real nice to be able to speak on such a level of understanding and support, I now know where you get your heart of gold from. Mum hasent been to good, very stressed is not the proper word to use. You can see it in her eyes and from deep within she is waiting for you to jump out and scare her or make her laugh so hard she cant breath, it would please her a great deal. Since that cannot be its hurts to watch that there is nothing i can do, there is noone who could even be half the man you were. I think of your beautiful smile right now and it makes me smile :) I think of you all the time if i had less than a min to live i would make it count and sprint to you. I miss you so badly, i wake up everyday with you in my mind and this strength i cannot explain. I hope this strength never leaves because you were so strong it makes me believe your the reason for my courage today. You and heaven know hell will crumble in tears when i take you home to your dad. Death is never easy but its the people left behind who have a lifetime sentance. Your father misses you so much, please be with him now and let light shine in on him... Your mum needs comfort please be there for her and make it know.. You were young my man, thats how you will remain. You left getting old up to me, and just for a laugh i know you will make me get grey hair quicker lol. Every day that goes on is each day im getting closer to seeing you. I remember you saying that each day that passes is less time i have with you. You were wrong because you have always had me and you still do. I love you from deepest part of my soul, from the moment i saw your eyes to the moment i closed them I havd loved you. You are the heart inside my chest and the rainbow in my life
Posted on: Thu, 24 Oct 2013 12:53:51 +0000
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