Hi mom, I thought I would reach out to you now since you have been heavy on my mind all day today.….. Tomorrow…..10:30pm-ish, 9 years ago, I came home from a work BBQ and had a message on my answering machine that simply said “condolences to you regarding your mother”. I fell to the floor in disbelief. Shock more like. I didn’t know if it was a terrible joke? If someone had the wrong number? If I heard the message wrong? In a matter of seconds I was able to recall the last 4 or 5 days. Not once was I able to get a hold of you. I had left numerous voice messages on your cell. Ian and I had talked and had asked each other if we had heard from “mom”. Within those 3 to 5 seconds I thought perhaps this random stranger on my answering machine was telling me the truth. Before calling ANY family, especially Ian….I made numerous phone calls to track you down. After the 5th call my worst nightmare was confirmed. My best friend, my security, my rock, my teacher….my mom….was gone. You left me alone, scared, worried, numb at times but most of all you just left me. I still wonder why but that’s a pointless question that I will never have the answer to or be able to come to terms with. I miss you when Van Morrison plays on the radio, I miss you when I see dragonflies, I miss you on holidays and family gatherings, I miss you not being able to be Shug’s grandma and watch her grow. I mostly just miss you EVERYDAY! There are no words to explain the emptiness that appears out of no where when you lose someone that has been a part of your everyday for so many years. Another year has come and gone….like a blink. Shug turned 16, she got her car, she’s doing awesome in HS. You would be so proud of your grandbaby. Ian and family are great. We talk about you and our childhood memories often. (Best childhood ever I might add) Jason and I our still perfect for each other. Pushing 3 years together and 1 year married. Hard to believe but we continue to grow closer daily. He takes care of me. He’s wonderful. Work is work. Nothing new to report there. Im not sure if I told you, but the reservation fin ally decided to bulldoze “your” house. I about shit myself when Ian sent me a text with a pic of our yard growing up….with no house. So weird. We still visit the property because we know you are still there.
Posted on: Fri, 16 Aug 2013 22:53:28 +0000
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