Honoring the Memory of Loved Ones During the Holidays It is a simple Finnish prayer, but it means the world to Dr. Kathrine Daniels every year when her family gathers for the holidays. She says the prayer before the meal. “My grandmother was from Finland and she taught us a Finnish grace that we said before our meals,” Daniels said. “On holidays, we say a Finnish grace and it reminds us of her and keeps her present with us.” Daniels counsels families in loss (familylossandgriefexperts). She recommends that families embrace their own ways to honor memories of their loved ones who are no longer with them. “Within our culture there is a myth about closure,” Daniels said. “The myth is that once a person is gone, we should grieve them and be done with it.” The reality is that people should find ways to “continue their connection” with those who have passed on, Daniels said. “We need to honor our relationships with them as they are still a part of us,” she said. Finding ways to honor the memory of a family member who is deceased varies from family to family. In her practice, Daniels helps customize ways for families to best remember their loved ones during the busy holiday season. She shared a few general tips: • “Take time during a family celebration to let each person tell a favorite story about the person who has passed on,” she said. • “Light a candle for that person, or have special flowers at the table in their honor,” Daniels said. • “Create a rock garden. Each person brings a rock and offers a thought about the lost loved one when they place it,” she suggested. • “Find a way to celebrate something that was special to that person,” Daniels said. “If family was important to Grandma, you might start a family reunion knowing that getting together would have made her happy. Or start a volunteer project for a charity that the person favored.” • On a simpler note, Daniels suggests preparing a recipe that was a loved one’s holiday favorite. • If the lost loved one had a favorite color or always wore a hat, Daniels says the entire family could wear that color, or everyone could wear a silly or favorite hat. “There are so many ideas – it’s just countless,” Daniels said. “You can tailor what you do for each specific family and ask, ‘How can we make meaning based on who our family is and who they were in our family?” Children should be an important part of any celebration that remembers family members, Daniels said. “It’s not only a way of building connections through our generations, but also shows our children for how to handle grief and loss,” she said. “Make them part of the whole family in that type of context.” For those overwhelmed by a new tradition, Daniels says simply putting out a photo can be a remembrance. “When I go to my mom’s house, I see the Cupid my grandmother hung on Valentine’s Day every year that my mom now hangs up every year,” she said. “It’s something that is a reminder to the whole family.” Creating new rituals in the absence of a loved one can be powerful for families, said Daniels. “In my private practice, I see how it really helps,” she said. “A lot of times it’s a hole in the family. It can help you get through the holidays, instead of just suffering through them. Honoring them and the memories of them feels good because you love them.”
Posted on: Tue, 23 Dec 2014 06:00:00 +0000
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