How I Prayed for Emotional Healing by Stormie Omartian Once I started walking with God I felt like my life had been a waste. I cried to the Lord saying, Oh God, Ive ruined everything. These past 29 years have been a total waste. My life is shattered in a million pieces that can never be put back together again. Oh, Lord, I’m grateful that You’ve given me hope and peace and eternal life, but as far as my life ever amounting to anything, how can it happen? In the midst of my utter distress I heard God speak to my heart words of comfort: “I am a Redeemer. I redeem all things I make all things new. Whatever you’ve lost I will restore. It doesn’t matter what you’ve done. It doesn’t matter what’s happened to you. I can take all the hurt, the pain, and the scars. Not only can I heal them, but I can make them count for something.” My tears flowed without end. I wondered how could God ever accomplish all that, even though I sincerely believed that all things were possible with Him, because His Word said so. “God, I surrender my life to You. Don’t let me ever be in the wrong place again,” I prayed. Until this moment I had only received His life. But now I full surrendered mine to Him. As I viewed the failure and rubble of my past, I knew I couldn’t navigate on my own anymore. I wanted God to take my life and do with it what He wanted. He would certainly do a better job than I had done. I gradually discovered that while receiving Jesus as my personal Savior and being born into the kingdom of God was instant, allowing Him to become Lord over my life was a process. I let Him have more and more of me as I went along, but each time I thought I had given Him my all, I discovered I had only given all I could. If I wanted to live in peace, enjoying God’s full measure of blessing, I had to obey God’s Word — not in the strict, legalistic sense, but with an attitude that says, “Show me what to do, Lord, and help me to do it.” In order to live in obedience to God’s Word, I needed to find out what His Word said. So I bought a large, heavy Bible that had four different translations in it. I read the Bible from beginning to end in one translation, then began all over in another. People who saw me lugging that huge Bible to church must have thought me exceedingly spiritual. I wasn’t. Just exceptionally hungry. As my hunger for God’s Word grew, so did my desire for more teaching. Attending church once a week was not enough, so I added Wednesday and Sunday evenings to my schedule. This also opened up possibilities for making more new friends, and I found associating with them a significant source of strength and encouragement. I met my husband on a record session, but we didn’t start seriously seeing each other until we met again in church after I had become a believer. We were married about a year later and soon realized that we had neglected to take one very important step of obedience – that of being baptized in water. Jesus Himself was baptized in order to do what was right, and He commanded us all to do the same. Still cautious about doing something that was merely a religious ritual as opposed to taking a step of obedience with understanding, I studied further. I found out that baptism in water was an act of obedience by which the lordship of Jesus in your life is declared. The past is washed away in the water and you come up cleansed while it remains buried. There was nothing magical about the water itself. The power is not in the water, but in being obedient to the Word of God whether you understand it fully or not. All steps of obedience, and this one especially, carried with it the opportunity for deliverance, freedom, and wholeness, and I desired everything that God had for me. After discussing it with Michael one afternoon, we were baptized together that same night. I didn’t feel any different after ward, except that I had the joy and confidence that comes from knowing you’ve obeyed God. Still, through all the growth, I continued to struggle with depression. Oddly enough, my depression seemed to be growing in intensity. Every morning when I awoke I was plagued with thoughts of suicide. It was like a bad habit I couldn’t break. However, I wasn’t shy about asking for help at church. I was so convinced that Jesus was the answer to every need that I regularly visited the counseling office. The counsel I received always helped, but the problem of depression was never completely eliminated. I could not understand why. I had the gift of eternal life and total forgiveness from Jesus. I had a loving pastor who taught me much about God and the Bible. I had a wonderful husband and financial security, so I no longer had to work to survive. Yet I still felt like I had nothing to live for. What was the matter with me? Was a part of me missing, just like with my mother? I was still afraid that I would end up crazy like her. If I had much to be happy about and yet remained depressed, if I had everything to live for and still wanted to die, then what hope was there for me? I was certain that Jesus was the answer to my every need, and if He couldn’t help me, then nothing could. As the suicidal feelings increased, Michael urged me to call the counseling office again. I was embarrassed at the frequency with which I made appointments there, but the staff didn’t seem discouraged by this. They ushered me into the assistant pastor’s office and I told him about the length and severity of this depression, plus the suicidal feelings that weren’t letting up. He thought a moment, then said, “I think you’d better see Mary Anne.” Mary Anne turned out to be a pastor’s wife and a member of the regular counseling staff at the church. She was steeped in the Word of God and had great faith to pray for and see people set free from emotional pain. She was highly knowledgeable about people with my kind of problem and was one of the most powerful ministers of God I’ve ever met. I entered her office and sat in the chair across the desk from her. She looked up from her papers and gave me a big smile. She had a beautiful face of intelligence, understanding, and warmth, and I felt comfortable in confessing my problems and past to her. She listened for a long time, nodding thoughtfully and seeming not the least bit shocked by anything I said. “You need deliverance,” she stated matter-of-factly when I had finished talking. “Do you know what deliverance is?” I shook my head. I had heard the term but didn’t understand it. It sounded like a strange activity involving red-eyed demons and whirlwinds, but I could tell by her calm demeanor that this was not what she meant. “Don’t let the word ‘deliverance’ frighten you,” Mary Anne explained. “It’s a process of becoming everything God made you to be. Deliverance removes all the past brokenness and bondage from a person’s life so that the real you can come forth. A lot of people are afraid of deliverance because they think it will change them. But deliverance doesn’t change you; it releases you. “I’m talking about oppression and not possession,” she continued. “There are spirits that attach themselves to you. They can come into anyone’s life through the work of the devil, who has been allowed to influence our lives through our own sin. Our responsibility is to pray for deliverance from whatever oppression is tormenting you, whether fear or suicidal thoughts or whatever. Second Corinthians 1:10 says that Jesus will continue to deliver you. Deliverance is like salvation in that we don’t earn it. It is God’s gift to us.” Mary Anne had me go home and fast and pray for 3 days and when I came back to her office again she and another pastors wife prayed for me to be free from depression and suicidal thoughts. I felt it lift. The next morning I awoke without any feelings of depression whatsoever — no thought of suicide, no heaviness in my chest, no fearful anticipation of the future. I waited all day for it to return, but it didn’t. Day after day it was the same. I never again experienced those feelings, nor the paralysis that accompanied them. I had gone into that counseling office knowing Jesus as Savior, but I came out knowing Him also as my Deliverer.
Posted on: Sat, 11 Oct 2014 05:35:47 +0000
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