How Sushil Kumar Shinde proposed to his lady love On a pleasant, sepia-tinted evening in early the 1970s, a pretty lady, Ujwala walks along the Chowpatty beach at Marine Drive, Bombay, along with a sturdy, dynamic Mumbai policeman, Sushil Kumar Shinde. An 18-year old boy, Shahid Afridi, follows at a distance, and eavesdrops on their conversations over the next few days. 40 years later, the 18-year old Afridi submits this piece to The UnReal Times that we present to our dear readers: Ujwala (tugging at Sushil’s sleeve): Sushil, let’s go to nice fancy place to eat, na? I want to tell you something. Shinde: Hmm… Ujwala: Dinner’s on me! Come naa…please! There’s a nice place nearby called Hotel Saffron Tree. Shinde: No way! That place is dangerous! Ujwala: Fine, where do you wanna go, then? Shinde: Hotel Sonia! I’d even shoot anyone to go there! Ujwala (a bit puzzled): Okay, let’s go there then! The couple dash off to Hotel Sonia on Shinde’s Royal Enfield. Ujwala (looking at the menu): I absolutely loveeeeee sushi! I’d love one! (Turns to Sushil) What do you wanna order? Shinde (with a wide smile): An enquiry! Ujwala (making a face): Very funny! (Turns to waiter) Sushi for him too! The waiter nods, takes the menu-card and disappears. Ujwala (twitching her fingers nervously): Okay, listen… I wanna tell you something, Sushil. Shinde (sipping water nonchalantly): Bolo… Ujwala: Okay, I’m… I’m just gonna blurt it out… No build up…here goes…I (lowers her gaze)…I LOVE YOU, Sushil! I wanna marry you! (Covers her face with her hands) Shinde (continues sipping water): Hmmm… Ujwala (looks up, surprised): What?! You’re not surprised at all? You knew this? Shinde: Yes, I had prior information that you’d be proposing, but didn’t know when and where. Ujwala (shocked): What? How the hell did you get to know? Shinde: What’s the big deal about this? Proposals happen everywhere…and they’re bad for democracy. Ujwala (perplexed): Huh? Shinde: I cannot say yes so easily, Ujwala…tomorrow, some Maoists may come and propose to me…can I accept? Ujwala (speechless for 30 seconds): So, do I take it as a no? Shinde: No…give me some time…I’ll think it over and let you know by speed post. Ujwala: Hmph! (grits her teeth in anger and storms out) Shinde: Hey, you said dinner’s on you!? Sigh! (takes out his wallet, pays the bill and leaves) A couple of days later, a sulking Ujwala receives a letter through speed post at 9 pm and immediately switches on the television. A suited Shinde appears on prime time news on Doordarshan. Shinde: Hello jaan, I’m sorry about the other day. I was only pulling your leg. How could I turn you down, honey? (Goes down on one knee and holds a rose in his hand) I want the whole world to know one thing, Ujwala: I love you. I love you! Ujwala’s hands fly to her mouth. Teary eyed, she rushes towards the phone, dials the Doordarshan office and asks for Shinde. Shinde: Haha! Operation L successful, baby! Woohoo! Took you by surprise, didn’t I? Ujwala: Not at all. Shinde (surprised): Huh?! What do you mean? You were expecting this? Ujwala: Of course, I got information that you’d be proposing and I damn well knew when and where too! Shinde (shocked): What?! How? Ujwala: Mr. Sushil Kumar Shinde, did you even bother checking your speed post message to me? Let me read it out for you: “Hi Ujwala, Watch DD news right now! I am going to propose to you. I am going to propose to you. Love, Sushil.” Shinde (slaps his forehead): Arre yaar! How did this happen? Let me order an enquir y into this…while ensuring no innocent Muslims are detained, of course. Ujwala: Uff-oh. Ab chhodo na! (kisses the telephone’s mouthpiece) I love you! Shinde: I love you too, Ujwala. Shinde replaces the receiver, puts on his coat and carefully places a rose in his front pocket. He then pulls out his shades, blows a puff of air on either lens and puts them on. He hops onto his Enfield, kickstarts it with practised ease, and speeds away, riding reclined with his hands behind his head.
Posted on: Thu, 03 Oct 2013 05:52:53 +0000
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