How to Let Go of Someone Who You Deeply Loved Love is so special precisely because it has the ability to hurt us when it fails. Dont take the failure personally. Relationships fail every day, and not always because there isnt enough love to go around. Whatever the reason, learning how to move on from a person you loved deeply is an extremely difficult process, and one that takes time. Luckily, its done every day, and done with success. Learn how by reading on! Realize that you may still love this person. If it feels as if you cant let go, its for a reason. You shared wonderful times with this person, and you gave them a big piece of your conscience and your heart. Now that youve decided to move on, start looking at the person not as you want them to be, but as they truly are. If they lie or deceive you or change their mind about their feelings toward you, realize that its not a healthy relationship for you. You may feel misunderstood and angry. Forgetting this person may be very hard, but that doesnt mean that you cant move on in life. Realize, too, that moving on doesnt mean you have to stop loving the person. It just means that your love for them changes. Youll still look out for the person, wish the best for them, and hope they find happiness in life. Moving on doesnt mean you have to forsake them as a person; it just means you have to do better for yourself. Believe in yourself. You have so much to offer. Love is often about learning about yourself through others. Youll continue to learn as you grow and as you experience more love. How will your next potential love believe in you if you dont believe it yourself? Understand that there are other people out there ,you just cant see them. You obviously have been in love with this person so much or so long that it has gotten you to the point where theres no other person in the world but them. Moving on is the hardest part and it can take a long time, but life is too short to live it down in the dumps. Wed like to live in a fairy tale world where everything goes exactly according to plan and theres no adversity, but thats not real life. Plenty of people date more than a handful of people in their lives before settling down. Thats a handful of opportunities to explore love. Try to be optimistic. Look at the glass as being half-full. Think Im single now! instead of I lost my partner. Think I get to meet so many new people now instead of I lost the person I knew. Being optimistic helps you recover quicker. Realize you may have loved that person more than they loved you. This one may be hard because most chances are that the person doesnt know how deeply in love you are (or were) with them. But this is OK. It doesnt mean youre not lovable, or attractive, or captivating. It just means that theres another opportunity to find someone who will love you just as much as you love them. If you think that you may have loved the other person more than they loved you, use that as motivation. Think about it: would you rather have someone who loved you less than you loved them, or someone who loved you just as much? Dont succumb to the I might not find anyone better idea. Dont settle for something thats not working for you. Go out there, believe in your standards, and try to find the person you want. Its better to be independent and happy than it is to be in a relationship with someone you have to settle for at the end of the day. If you told the person you love how you feel and theres no response, understand that there is little point in further contact. The ship has already sailed, and its probably for the best. If the person you love doesnt dignify you with a response, you have to dignify yourself by moving on. Talk to someone neutral who has been through the same situation. Maybe a best friend, or a parent, or a mentor. If you have to, go see a therapist. Venting your emotions and thoughts with someone neutral can be naturally healing and can help the letting go process move along. Deal with pain in constructive ways. Dont pretend its not there. Find creative outlets, such as art or communication, to channel your pain into. Try to keep your mind off it most of the time, as fixating on your pain may make it worse. Decide if you want to remain friends. Its up to you. Its very hard to juggle the friendship of a former lover with your newfound independence. Most people think its easiest to fall into a friendly, but distant, friendship after youve moved on, but only you can decide for yourself Changing Your Mindset Remember what Eleanor Roosevelt said: Do one thing that scares you every day. Set aside some me-time. Start feeling encouraged about being independent. If you cant learn to live with and be happy by yourself, how is another potential lover going to live with and be happy with you? Lean on your friends and family. Your friends and family are there for you unconditionally — use them! When youre feeling down, plan a trip back home or a get-together with a friend. Your friends and family love you just as much as a romantic partner might, only in a different way. Confide in your best friend(s) about whats going on. If youre open to being given advice, ask for it. Your best friend sees you in a way that you probably cant, and may give you a really fresh perspective. If nothing else, your best friend will give you an opportunity to express yourself and make you feel valued. Remove all the mementos of your former relationship from your eyesight. It doesnt sound all that fun, but its essential. Moving on is all about living in the future, not the past. Take all pictures, notes, movie stubs, stuffed animals, etc., and place them in storage. It will hurt, but then it will feel uplifting. Remember that remove doesnt mean destroy. You probably want to hold on to all the mementos. Just as you probably dont want to completely forget the person you loved, you probably dont want to completely forget the relationship you once had. You may even want to look at the mementos once youve completely moved on. As you grieve, remember to express yourself. A lot of people decide to start a journal in which to write down their feelings. Whenever you feel inspired, grab a piece of paper and jot down your thoughts. Leave a trail of self-expression so that when you come across it after youve healed, youll know how strong you needed to be to get through it all. How are you feeling? What are you feeling? What might you have felt in a similar situation five years before? What might you feel in a similar situation five years from now? Reflect on what the relationship meant to you, even if you just think it over in your head. Self-expression doesnt have to be writing. It can be painting, drawing, dancing, building, sculpting, or running. Whatever it is, put your heart and soul into it, and whatever comes out will be rewarding. Take care of your physical self. Exercise regularly. Also look into the Emotional Freedom Technique (aka tapping) for a body-oriented approach to overcoming distress. If you still find yourself obsessing on the former relationship, talk to a counselor, therapist, or your minister. When you are ready, starting looking for love again. This process could take several months, or even a year. Dont force it if youre not ready; its not fair to you, and its certainly not fair to the other person. Know that there are plenty of other people out there who would value and respect you if given a chance. Many people choose to go on rebound dates to make the loss of the loved one easier. If you choose to do this, try to do it for the right reasons: you want to feel affection, youre interested in meeting other people, you think you have something to offer. Dont do rebound dating if youre just trying to make the other person jealous; its not worth it. Learn from your mistakes. When you search for a new person to share your love with, dont invite another heartbreak by making the same mistakes all over again. Take the flaws in your past relationship and improve them. Take the flaws in your last partner and look for more maturity in the next one. Be yourself. No matter who you meet, be yourself. In order for someone to be loved, they have to give their all to someone else. They have to be willing to accept their flaws, present them to their partner, and know that their partner will accept them too. Regaining Your Independence Its hard to let go but it doesnt make any sense staying to get hurt and mistreated. You deserve better! Dont make someone a priority only to find out you are an option to them. Dont waste time on someone who wont spend time on you. Surround yourself with positive people who want to help you as well as see you happy. Stop wondering about what your former love might be doing, thinking, and feeling about you. Concentrate on what you are going to be doing, thinking, and feeling about bettering yourself to make him/her wish they never hurt you. Its okay to be sad or feel alone afterwards, just make sure not to let it get you down too much. Sometimes, feeling sad and crying can make you feel better, rather than just bottling it up and waiting for it to explode. Remember that you will forget them eventually but youre going to have to stop doing things that constantly remind you of them. Life is way too short to be worryin about such! #TDL
Posted on: Sun, 14 Dec 2014 17:22:53 +0000
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