Human emotions are so vast and complex. I can tell you right now that when I was younger, mainly in my youth and teenage years, it was like I was discovering so much. I can remember, jus laying down on the couch at night, just listening to music, and letting my imagination take me away. Those were very formative years of my life. All these thoughts, dreams and experiences made me feel so many wonderful things... but now I feel as though so much is mundane. I feel, so little, sapped of inspiration. Continual disappointment has drained my soul. My dreaming and imagining has been replaced with grief and doubt. I remember all those things I used to dream about. Ive always been so passionate, yet simple. No wonder I emotionally struggle at some point every day, because I am living apart from my destiny, from myself, as my identity was given to me at a very young age, and this draining life causes me to think of it all as an unattainable star, too far away from my grasp. These dreams werent obscure, they were real, and they define me. Sadly, I have no idea how or even if I can get there. This requires a level of faith I just do not have. Time, plus chance, where will it take me? Or is my life waiting for a sovereign God who wants to fulfill our deepest longings? So I walk through this mundane path every day, filled with intermittent humor and joy, feeling half-human, wondering when I will arrive. I can promise however, that I am doing all that I can to be my best, and chase whats in my heart with the few abilities I have to do so.
Posted on: Fri, 23 Jan 2015 03:19:58 +0000
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