I AM SUCH AN IDIOT...... I don’t remember which was that festival we all were celebrating that day other than the college feast because my complete attention was for him that day. Everyone was dressed beautifully and so was I. For him I had borrowed that beautiful dress from my sister which she gave after a lot of persuasion, For first time I had put so much effort in dressing up. I really wanted it to be a special day. Although he had never confessed that he loved me, I got the news few days before from one of our common friend, I was on cloud nine after hearing that because I was deeply attracted towards him from the day I saw first him and always thought that he may not like me that way as he was the popular cool dude and I was the less confident unpopular gal, but that never stopped me to dream about him. I reached college and was searching for him, I didn’t called him and asked where he was because I didn’t wanted to show him that I too was interested in him, Now I think I was so foolish to conceal my feelings all the time. I was hiding from my friends as once I met them I would not be able to spend time with him. I was roaming with sonia, his dear friend. We entered a big classroom where some participants were rehearsing, It was a big hall where usually our chemistry practical’s take place but today it seemed to be very huge without all the benches and there I saw him, He was looking joyous and relaxed as usual. His high spirits and charming nature is what I like most about him, I always felt happy when he was around. He came towards me and complimented me, I was not able to hear what else he said as I was transferred to another world. Sonia, Bumpy and he were chatting and I was just gazing him secretly, I was feeling very happy and was looking forward to spend the day with him. Later after the feast we all went to McD, the whole day I ignored my besties as If I stayed with them then I would not be able to be with him so I roamed with his group rather than mine. I felt very guilty while ignoring my BFF’s this but I knew I would also feel guilty if I didn’t do this. When we reached station, everyone went their way and we were alone together. I was feeling at top of the world, I just wanted the time to stop, we would talk like this forever and nothing else, I was blushing like an idiot in front of him, He was the first guy for whom I felt that way. After getting down from train he told me If I would like to have a walk, I agreed instantly, He told that He wanted to say something to me but didn’t have the courage so he will have a lassi to get some energy, I was amused by the way he said this, thousand bubbles tickled in my stomach as I knew somewhere that he must be going to propose me, I wanted him to propose and he did exactly that. We were standing at the corner of a very busy road where people couldn’t walk without pushing us, It was very noisy evening because of the traffic and as that road was very near to the station, I was struggling to hear as he started to say ” Soni, I think I have some feelings for you……….” I don’t remember a word he said after that. Each and every particle of my blood rushed towards my head. My head was spinning, Someone even pushed me and my specks fell on the road, He lifted it up and gave it to me and was awaiting for my reaction. I still curse myself that why I didn’t said him my feelings for him. I just stared him and said ” I am not that type of girl”. There are many reasons why I said that though nothing seems valid to me now. Firstly he had many girlfriends in the past and he had an image of a Casanova, I didn’t wanted him to think that I am like any other girl whom he could use and forget. Secondly I never was so friendly with guy all my life till now because I was very shy to even talk to guys and being in a relationship was scary and alien to me. I needed some time to think, I wanted that him to really love me and not just have a fling. He tried to convince me but I gave him a blank expression and walked away. I hoped maybe he would himself understand why I gave such a reaction but now I know that it was impossible, he too was naive to have gauge my feelings. Later we did talk but this misunderstanding was always there and he never got to know that I loved him so much, neither did I got to know what are his true feelings for me.
Posted on: Sun, 16 Mar 2014 09:24:34 +0000
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