I DELIVERED THIS EULOGY FOR TATAY ON HIS INTERMENT LAST 14 AUGUST 2013. Vaya Con Dios, Tatay! How do you exactly write a eulogy for someone who has made a very significant impact in your life as an individual? It would be rather difficult to write everything that’s in my heart and mind because it would take more than a lifetime for me to tell you a great story. The story I am about to relate to you today would open old wounds, create new ones and perhaps bring closure to the many issues surrounding my Tatay. However straightforward my story will be for today, I assure you that I have only the best intentions in mind. My Tatay was born to spouses Bernardino J. Capili, Sr. and Dionisia Cruz on March 31, 1931. Just recently I have found out that he was really born on the 11th and not on the 31st of March. I asked him many times how the error came about but he was more surprised than I was. He just relied on what his Nanay told him, that he was born on the 31st of March. He has two half-siblings from his mother during a previous marriage that he fondly calls Manang Trining and Manong Pabling. He has two other siblings named Alfonso and Francisco. Manang Trining is now 91 years old and is in Australia with her children while the others including my Tatay have gone to the great beyond. Tito Toti (Francisco) and Tatay lost their mother at an early age and it was their Tiyang Charing (Rosario J. Capili-Yoingco) who took care of them because their father was a drunkard. Tatay’s devotion to his Tiyang Charing was beyond compare because he would remember her birthday every year and would not forget to whisper a soft prayer for her every October 27 probably as a sign of gratitude for her endearing love and care. Di ko nakitaan ng pagkakagalit o pagkakasamaan ng loob ang aking Tatay pati na sila Tiyang Trining at iba pa niyang mga kapatid. Punong-puno ng paggalang at pagmamahal sa isa’t-isa ang kanilang pagtitinginan. This is perhaps the reason why Tiyang Trining’s, Tiyong Pabling’s and Tatay’s children have grown close to each other. During the later years of his life, Tatay was able to relate to me how he suffered as a child under his Tiyong Pedring (Pedro Yoingco). There was a moment during our conversations over lunch when he exclaimed to me, “huwag mo nga akong piliting ubusin ang pagkain ko sa plato. Naaalala ko tuloy ang Tiyong Pedring nung pinipilit isaksak sa bibig namin ang kanin na halos panis na.” As a Psychologist, his statement was rather alarming because my action of asking him to finish his meal prodded him to surface an old and painful childhood memory. Further questioning revealed that he was usually beaten up or placed inside a sack and was repeatedly hit with a stick. I was dumbfounded because all these years he has kept a deeply seated wound. He would always run to his Manang Trining (Trinidad Cruz Espino-Molo) who was then already married to Tiyong Mayong (Mario Molo) for help. She would never turn a blind eye on her brothers and would give them strength to weather the crises in their lives. How heartbreaking that must be for Tiyang Trining, to see her brothers suffer under a man whose heart contained nothing but hatred for them. As a teenager during the war, he recalled that he worked splitting stones for gravel and would assist his beloved Tiyang Charing in their carinderia business which later grew into what they called the “Kitchen.” Ang sabi niya sa akin, “kahit paano nakatulong ako sa Tiyang para lumago ang yaman nila.” And never did he ask for a single centavo from the Yoingcos as payment for his services. He did it out of love for his Tiyang Charing. In one of his stories, he told me that his Tiyong Pedring would ask him to buy pansit somewhere in Binondo and it was far from where they resided in Gracepark, Kalookan. He would only be given the exact amount for the fare and the pansit (rice noodles). After travelling and buying the pansit, could you imagine that his Tiyong would not even share a single strand of that noodle to him? He could do nothing but swallow his tongue. He finished his high school from FEATI University and later on took up Refrigeration and Air-conditioning Mechanics. Everybody thought that Tatay would not marry and if ever he would marry he would be like his father who was a drunkard and a wife-beater. He met our Nanay in San Nicolas in the Binondo District in Manila while she was working as a seamstress. I don’t exactly know the details of their courtship but Tatay later on told me how he asked for my Nanay’s hand in marriage from Lolo Cilio. Lola Asia, upon knowing of their budding relationship from relatives living in the said area, took Nanay home to Pulilan. Tatay was 38 and Nanay was 18 during that time. It was because of this reason that Nanay was fetched from Binondo by our Lola Asiang to go home to Pulilan. Imagine having a daughter who was being courted by a man who was almost her age! I am pretty sure my Nanay went home crying that day. It was on May 14, 1968 that my Tatay went to Pulilan to bravely ask permission from Nanay’s ama and ina. He told me that he brought siopao as pasalubong for her and he found her slumped on the stairs crying. When he asked where Lolo Cilio was Lola Asia replied that he was under the Sampaloc tree shaving the carabao’s hair because he was getting ready for the Carabao Festival which was to be held in the afternoon of the said day. He was afraid at first because Lolo Cilio was holding a very sharp “tabak.” Gathering enough courage, he asked if he could ask for my nanay’s hand in marriage. My lolo asked if his parents were still alive and told him that only his Tatay Dinong and Tiyang Charing took care of him. “Ipagsama mo sila dito para makapag-usap kami.” January 19, 1969, was the start of their newfound life together as husband and wife. Their life was not without any pain or mishap because they lost their first baby, Amelia, to Diphtheria Pertussis which was rampant during that time. Later on Bernadet was born in 1971 and Carlito sometime in 1973. However, tragedy struck once more when Carlito died several months after his was born. Next came me, Danilo in 1974 and Flordeliza in 1976. I remember vividly when we were still living in Santo Tomas Street in Quezon City when Tatay would accept work aside from his regular job in Sweden Ice Cream and Delta Motors Corporation to name a few. There were times when he had no work but we would always have food on the table and milk for our sustenance as growing children. He was a caring father who sought nothing but the good for his family. In 1980, he decided to work in Saudi Arabia as an Aircon and Ref Technician. He accompanied me on the first day of kindergarten classes and the next thing I knew was he was no longer around. As a child, my Nanay tried to fill in that gap the best way that she can. However distant Tatay was he was never a “father absent” to us. He would regularly write letters and send voice tapes and we would send him letters and voice tapes in return. It was a funny experience for young kids like us talking to a boom box and recording our voices. I remember when he came home in 1982 and Tito Tito Garcia graciously accompanied my and Nanay to pick him up from the airport. Maybe because of too much excitement, my Tatay got very drunk inside the plane and needed assistance to walk to the car. He looked a bit funny during that time because he was embracing Nanay and me inside the car and saying how happy he was to be back home. We tried to make Nanay and Tatay proud by excelling in our studies and he would send gifts if ever we performed well in school. He never forgot our birthdays and even when he was retired and very old, he would wait by the bottom of the staircase at home when he hears the door to our rooms open upstairs. He would greet us ever so fondly, “happy birthday anak ko.” Perhaps this would be the most difficult to deal with because he was a thoughtful man. Even when he was in Saudi Arabia he would send us birthday cards and letters telling us how he loved us. In 1989, my sister Bernadet became very sick and was diagnosed to have end stage renal failure. She needed weekly dialysis to prolong her life. Adding insult to injury, my father lost his job in Saudi Arabia and we were left with nowhere or nobody to turn to. But the good Lord sent angels to help us out. Tito Popoy and his co-workers contributed money for Ate Dedet as well as other relatives in Australia through Tiyang Trining who fondly treated us as her real children. In 1990, Nanay and Tatay decided to sell the house so Ate Dedet could get a kidney transplant. However, it was the Lord’s wish to end our family’s agony by taking Ate back into His fold in heaven. It was the first time I saw my Tatay so distraught with the pain of losing his daughter. Ate Dedet was the third child they lost and I couldn’t fathom how painful it was for both of them because it was not in the natural order of life for children to die ahead of their parents. In the weeks that followed, they both sank into depression. There was a moment when we would have rice on the table but no viand because we had no money. Again, God proved Himself and His love for us when our Nana Bebe (Arsenia Martin-Aloran) would knock on our door and say, “Ditse, eto ang ulam.” I promised myself that I would study hard and work hard in the future so I can provide for them. The only reminder that he keeps telling us his children is to study hard and finish our studies because that is the only thing they can impart to us. I believe that Liza and I are good kids because we both excelled in school. We tried as much as we can to bring happiness to Tatay and Nanay as a reward for their hard work and perseverance in life. Liza graduated Magna Cum Laude from Centro Escolar University and it made both of them very proud. When I received my medal of high distinction for my master’s degree in De La Salle University-Manila, I specifically instructed Nanay to hand over my medal to Tatay so he can pin it on me. I told Nanay, “nung maliliit kami ikaw ang palaging nagsasabit ng medal sa amin, this time si Tatay naman ha.” I know that Tatay’s favorite is Liza but he loved us both dearly. There was a time when we had tooth extractions, Liza and I, but Tatay only made a glass of warm milk for Liza. Only after when I told him to make me one too that he did. As little children, we would wake up in the middle of the night and would ask for “milo-gatas” and he would rise up from the bed and make each of us a glass of warm milk with Milo in mixed in it. Liza got married in 2001 and I knew Tatay was a little sad because his favorite daughter will be married to Ricky but he had to let go. He was the happiest man I think when he first saw Yana after they came out of the hospital. His joy was the same when he saw Erin, Jasmine and Liam for the first time. He loved all his grandchildren because shortly before he passed away he was asking where they were. Tatay’s health has been on a steady decline over the past years because of his COPD and his cardiomegaly. He was on a concoction of medicines in order to keep his heart beating normally. He would complain many times how painful his “rayuma” was and would ask either Liza or me to buy him medicines for the pain. He taught us the value of respect, love and hard work. For that we will be forever grateful. But I think that the greatest lesson in life that we learned from him was how to totally forgive. When I was around 7 or 8 years old, I remember that we visited Lolo Pedring in Dagat-Dagatan where he was living with Viring during that time. Tatay was seated beside his Tiyong Pedring and they were conversing. I overheard Lolo Pedring say, “Benny, patawarin mo ako sa mga nagawa ko sa iyo nung bata ka pa ha. Sana mapatawad mo ako.” I didn’t understand what that meant until later on when Tatay told me his story. My Tatay replied in a loving and respectful tone, “Tiyong, huwag niyo na pong alalahanin yun. Nakaraan na po iyon. Napatawad ko na po kayo.” In one stellar moment, my Tatay showed us how he was able to forgive his Tiyong Pedring. Perhaps that is why Tatay never showed any regrets nor didn’t make any “bilin” before he died because he carried no baggages in life. Only love. Only love for Nanay, for me, for Liza, Ricky and their children, for Kuya Maxie and Kuya Bernard and their families. Tatay must be very happy seeing all of you here today saying goodbye to him. To you as observers from afar, it may be easy to accept his death but for us who has grown so close to him, who shared our lives with him, our grief is a different story. When we go home we would have to deal with his loss everyday of our lives but with your prayers we will carry on with life. I promise you that this is the last story that I will tell you today so we can move on and lay Tatay to rest. Sa pagitan ng langit at impiyerno ay may isang pader. Ang pader na ito ay pumipigil ng pag-init ng langit dahil sa apoy ng impiyerno. Sabi ni San Pedro kay Satanas, “Tigilan mo nga ang kasisira diyan sa pader ha. Humihina tuloy ang lamig dito.” Tawa lang na malakas ang sagot ni satanas. Nakaisip si San Pedro ng paraan, “Teka, ipatatawag ko nga si Popoy at magaling gumawa yun ng ref at aircon.” (Last December 09, Tatay’s bestfriend was called back to heaven.) Pero nakita ni San Pedro na medyo hirap itong si Popoy sa paggawa ng refrigeration nung pader kaya tinanong niya ito, “Sino ba ang pwede mong makatulong sa paggawa niyan?” “Si Benny po, yung best friend ko....” For now, iisipin muna namin na aalis si Tatay at pupunta sa Saudi para mag-work dun. At ngayon ay parang nasa airport tayo na nagpapaalam sa kanya. Nandito tayo ngayon sa pre-departure area to say our last goodbye to him. Salamat sa maraming taon ng pagmamahal, Tatay. Alam kong sa piling ni Hesus ay wala nang dusa at sakit, pawing kaligayahan. Masakit man ang iyong paglisan ay pilit naming kakayanin ito sapagkat darating ang panahon na tayo ay muling magkakasama sa paraiso. Go now with God, Tatay. You are now back home where you truly belong. In time we will see each other again because we all deserve to be in the Father’s loving embrace. You were never ours in the first place. Vaya con Dios, Tatay. Go now with God, Tatay. We love you. May God bless us all.
Posted on: Sat, 05 Oct 2013 02:38:57 +0000
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