I am listening to this song right now. Id like to create the romantic feelings inside me. Every time Id like to listen to the song, I just click on my Albums.” Then, I will be ready to listen to it. I will re-organize the pictures on my profile again since someone took all my beloved husbands pictures all out from my profile. I feel really sad, mad, and upset. If my beloved husband told me to take off the pictures, and then I would be okay. Yes, I did my job by writing to him on private message. I did my job by making phones to him. I did my job by writing as part of family journal on my profile. These are the things that make me feel happy. If my beloved husband disagrees with me, or he wants me to take off the pictures, I can do that, also. My goal is that I want to take care of him since I owe him too much in life. The pain and suffering he I received is counted separated from the love, missing, and taking care of him. For him alone, he does not need to work, and I can take care of him. I can feed him just like he used to feed and take care of me after I got married with him. After we both got married on February 7, 1988, I was in my senior year in high school. I did not go to work. He said, ... Just go to and finish high school first. You do not need to go to work. I can work alone is okay ... That when the time I was kind of talking quietly that I wanted to be and worked with him. I did not ask him directly since I was shy. All I did was saying with very low and kind of quiet voice that, Does your place need anybody to work? That was because I wanted to be with him. I loved and missed him so much, and I felt like he was too long to be at work place. I seemed to keep checking the time and sometimes opening the curtain to see if he would be home from work yet or not? I felt so lonely that I had no friend after I moved to my new high school. But, I was lucky that I had my friend, Ka-Poch (Mealea) to come to our apartment for almost every day. Before she could come to my house, she asked me, if there is any guy or your husband home? I said, No! He is at work. He will be home like late at night. Ka-Poch liked to come so I did not feel bored and missed my beloved husband so much. I felt anxious each day and kept looking at the time clock to see what time he would be back home. I kept counting the hours each day. I never told my beloved husband that. Even I had two children with him already, I still kept checking the time to see if was home? Then, I felt the most happy in life. Even I had two kids, I still felt shy with him. There seemed to be something in the back of my heard. Since I did not know what love really means, I got bored. I planned to ask Ka-Poch to come and sleep with my husband and me on the same bed. I was thinking to tell my beloved husband later after I talked to Ka-Poch first. One day she came to our apartment again. She was standing by the door even she knocked on the door, but she did not want to come in. I went to open the door for her. I asked, Why you dont come in? She whisper and asked me that, Is the home? I said, Why? She said, Oh, my mom said that if there any guys inside the house, I am not allowed to go their house. I said, No! The guy is not home. That was when she asked me about Nith (Thanith) was home or not? I wondered why she seemed to feel shy when she saw Nith. Nith was kind of talking in front of me one day, I don know why, I see Ka-Poch like to come and stand by the corner of the street next to my car window every time I drive there? I was quietly. I knew something about Ka-Poch shared stories with me. I do not want to go in details. I felt funny on this part. So when I heard that Ka-poch told me that she was not allowed to come to anyone house when there is a guy inside the house so I never asked her to come and sleep on the same bed with my husband and me. I was thinking that if Ka-Poch agreed with me to come and sleep with my husband and me in the same bed, I would let her sleep on the left side next to the wall, I would sleep in the middle, and my beloved husband would sleep on the far left side of me. But, my plan of goal did not work since she said her mom did not allow her to go and visit any house, which has the guy in there. Thats why every time she came and knocked on my door, she would wait, stayed behind the door, and doubled check with me first. I remember Ka-Poch liked to check on my closet since she liked to borrow my white shirt to wear. I let her wear my white shirt all the time. I did not mind. We both even had the same pairs of pants. Those were the modern paints that no Khmer really wore them yet. I only saw Ka-Poch and me were wearing them. I liked how she dressed up, and she seemed to like certain clothes I used to wear. I felt strong that my beloved husband went to work to support me. I felt different from other Khmer students, who did not have the husband to support and lacked of the money to buy clothes. Ka-Poch had money to buy clothes to wear more than other Khmers Ive met. I remember one day Ka-Poch checked on my closet, and she was kind of yelling out loud. I feel so funny right now and laughing goes hard when I am writing right now. After she was kind of yelling out, I said, Why and whats wrong? She said, I was looking for your clothes, and I accident touched your husband’s shirt. Because her mom told her not to come if any guys is home. She felt like she got into trouble when she touched Bang clothe. I felt similar way like her when I was young. I would not touch any men clothes either. That’s why she was kind of yelling out loud. Actually, there is nothing wrong if she accidently touched Bangs clothes. But, at that time I felt like, Oh, yes, do not touch his clothes. Just look and touch my clothes are okay. When we were young, we had fears of not to touch stuffs that belong to men, which meant bad karma to us. Anyway ... Bang was my first love; Ka-Poch was my first friend at my new high school while Loan was my best friend at my first high school. Also, our beloved and first son is Presley. I also, your very first wife so I love the word, first so much in my life. I feel it is important to have first husband, first friends, and first son... So that shy I never told Bang that I would bring Ka-Poch to come and sleep with us, and also, I never told Ka-Poch that since she told me that she was not allowed to come to the house if any guys were at home. Again, since I did not really know about love that much after we got married since I was a virgin, and Bang was my first love of impression. That’s why I planned to ask Ka-Poch to come and sleep with Bang and Aun. Again, that was because I was kind of got bored. I felt anxious to keep and checking the time since I felt like Bang went to work and took too long for Aun to stay at home and wait for Bang to come back from work. Aun felt like my heart became exhausted just to wait for Bang to come home from work. Yes, I dont think Bang knew or not? -- Since I was shy to share about my feelings to Bang. I did not share Ka-Poch my feelings, also. All I did I was happy and kept saying thank you to Ka-Poch every day from the bottom of my heart. Without Ka-Poch came to our apparent almost every day right after school within those moments of time frames, I would be caught with emotional and feeling even more anxious just to wait for Bang to come home from work. That’s why Aun feel like Aun owe Bang so much in life that Bang went to work and support Aun since Aun was in high school. That[s why when Aun had the education, ,and I believed my idea have been strong and hit all the way to the top, it just cracked on my heart and mind to come back to Bang right away. If Bang did not support Aun since in high school after we got married, and I when through to have my higher education, it would not remember Bang until the so much and that long. Yes, the pain and suffering I received is counted separated from what I love, miss, and owe Bang in life, which meant Bang supported Aun a lot. If you do not need my help and what I owe you so much in life, it is okay for Bang to say, No to Aun, or Bang dont need Aun in life anymore. But, again ... that way I feel clean and did my jobs as well as I wrote to you on private Facebook. I called you on the phone at the shops, I want to help and take care of you when you get older so that I before I died, I could close my eyes. These are such the precious gifts that I could give to Bang that I felt that I owed Bang in life so much through my education. I have been seeing you went kept going to work since Bang was in high school, and it looked like Bang did not have time to rest from work for your entire life. That’s how I feel toward you, and I would like to write and express my feelings to Bang to day and tomorrow. This is part of my writing journal today. Orkun ... Bang. Love, miss, kiss, and hug Bang... From Aun Sophy ... your very great loving and first wife and always... That is my dream is to take care of you when you turn to older.
Posted on: Fri, 04 Jul 2014 14:32:56 +0000
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