I am one of the most materialistic person I know. I am arrogant at times, very selfishly logical and a bit of a showoff. The only thing I feel that can affect me ever, is probably some illness, which is beyond my control, rest of it I can take care just fine. You can never feed me with the theory Marry, or else you will be alone in your last days. My selfishly logical brain will retaliate with an instant what if she dies first? I shall marry when I am in love. Not when I can live with someone, but when I feel I cant live without someone. Until then, I am just fine. My mom asks me not to write about my life too much. Lately she has been quite strict about it and even try to intimidate me in front of guests and family friends, which most of the time ends up in a debate or argument. I neither drink nor smoke. I write, that is my passion, my addiction. It takes me to a state of mind that I enjoy, when the state of mind that I am actually in, isnt good enough. Just as no drunkard drinks or no smoker smokes to impress a crowd, I dont write to impress anyone. It is my feel good factor. I do have awesome parents. My mom and dad is ever forgiving and ever loving. I owe them a lot and most people who has read my book Being Moon on 31st Crossroad knows that there are two chapters called Miracle called Mom and Superman called Dad that is completely dedicated to them. If it was someone else, I would probably never have got a place to stay after I was 17, such was my deeds. I love my mom a bit more even though it is my dad who made me this rich. No, No not by my inheritance. I havent taken anything from him until now. It is a sentence that he said that made me obscenely rich or probably gave me the spark to make money. At age 24, I was wallowing in self pity and staying at home, doing nothing. A divorce at 21 and no proper education, I had nothing except the 3000 Rs allowance which parents used to give every month. Inspite of mom requesting and compelling many times dad never allowed me to work with him. He just kept praising my cousins who werent half as talented as me and handling their family business. One day while having food, those praising of cousins and putting me down got on my nerves, and I told dad, they are all doing good just because their fathers are supportive, unlike him. You are eating my shit, so you bloody well listen to what I say That moment, that dilemma of a 24 year old when his food is stuck in his throat, not knowing if to swallow or spit, where his heart is emotionally telling him not to eat it anymore and his brain telling him about the hunger, and the truth that there is no other option but to eat, it is quite a sight. To add to the glory, the tear glands deceiving the bruised soul of an overgrown, useless, unworthy 24 year old in front of few family friends was the greatest spark I ever needed, to be rich. I am sure there is nothing wrong in the sentence he said as most dads say that, I guess. Anyways, he has forgiven me many times and I have forgiven him too. After all the sentence did a lot of good. But frankly speaking, I have never forgotten it, simply because as I always say, I am neither Buddha not Gandhi. I can still laugh at myself as I sometimes relate to a character played by Mammotty in the movie Azhagiya Raavan, where he is an anti-hero, a shallow, self absorbed, boastful individual when I walk into a bank which is not my home branch, deposit little money and ask for the balance amount in the account. After affirming, that it is my account, when he or she starts looking for the balance, I wait patiently for that reaction. That moment, after checking the balance, for a second when they would almost raise a bit from the seat, undecided if to show obvious respect or not. You will only notice it when you look closely but I know as I go there only to see this, and feel good. Would you like to start an account in this branch too Sir ? is the next sentence I look for after they tell me the balance. I know, cheesy right. But too bad, you cant make fun of me, as I am already doing it here. Relatives, siblings and friends should know that I call it exactly how I see it. I say what I think and feel. I will never omit pieces of me to make you feel comfortable or cook up stories to make you feel uncomfortable. I realize both ways, uncomfortability is a common factor ;) If I am telling you something, which I rarely do, it is probably because I care. I have sweated in practice, it is really hard to make me bleed in battle. This is not a story of frown or me against the rest of the world. It is pure realizations of an imperfect person who doesnt wish to change. I accept that people around me are good. I know you all are truths and facts tailor made to live this life properly and I am just an insane theory that is half proved, half-formed and quite undefined. I am unfinished, as I always will be and hopefully I shall find my path in due time
Posted on: Sun, 29 Jun 2014 06:54:19 +0000