I am tired! I am tired! Mh heart is torn in pieces. I am so fed up of people telling me they love me and cares abt me. I am tired of people using me for their own selfish gain. My heart racks in pain. The man I am suppose to be married too is having an affair with Alicia Dato, take her to church, ride her around town but no one seems to think there is something wrong with this picture. Yes we are separated but if the shoe was on the other foot I would be considered a whore. It is like no one really cares for me. Its like the love and kindness of my heart is takin for granted. Lord please! Please help me right now. I am able to see somewhat clearly but the tears wont stop falling. I feel so stupid. I allowed men to take complete advantage of me, I did it, because all I want is to be loved and mean something to someone. Just a hug, a kiss on the froehead, to feel safe or something. But I understand why I am this way. Someone, well many said I love hard? but isnt that what we suppose to do? Is to love and follow the word abt love. Rodney and Alicia Dato can do as they please it is what it is and there is nothing I can do abt it. I spent many years being abused(mental, emotional and physical) for a long time, not just by Rodney but a few others, especially from childhood. just because I just wanted to be truly love, now that is over. I realize the problem is with me. I tries to hard. I know God loves me but He also created man and woman to love each other too. You may wonder why Im posting this because there are many others (male and female) who are going through the same thing and they need to know they are not alone. I feel like such a doormat and today I claim ENOUGH! the desired to have a man to love me and care abt me is over. Maybe one day someone will come along and love me as the beautiful woman that I am, both inside and out. Since this MS affected my life it has never been the same. It really makes me realize who would want to walk out this responsibility. These things run through me.. It sometimes makes me fell like damage goods, but that Holy Ghost voice says I want you. I love you and you are perfect to me. And I know what your heart is feeling but it is only for a season. Hold on and dont stop loving. It is My gift in you. And the enemy seeks to steal My gift from you but it wont work. Daughter never stop loving no matter what. I have a plan for your life and it is good. Thank you everyone who is reading this because I really have no one to share with to get it out my heart...
Posted on: Sat, 05 Oct 2013 10:28:43 +0000
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