I been sitting here in my room thinking and remembered someone that I love so much a week ago told that its unhealthy to keep things bottled up but Ive been doing it for 9 years, how am I all of a sudden supposed to just stop doing it since Ive done for so long? Ive been holding in so much like my suicide attempt when I was 10 right after Harley and Tristan died and being made to go see a counselor, the lose of Sammy Rachel Ann Wolfes brother) who I came close friends with, Shannon who was a great Uncle even though we werent really related, Danny Walker who was like a second father/uncle to me, Papaw ( Jon C Bowser s father) who I loved dearly and was really close to even though I hardly saw him, My Great grandpa Elmer who died of Cancer that I loved so much because he was really close to me (he always called me a burrito XD), My Uncle Wayne who was my favorite Uncle but I feel horrible about now saying goodbye when I last saw him and then there is Jack Devers who past away that I considered an uncle, the one time I cut my wrist in the 8th grade but told everyone I fell on the sidewalk, because of the years of being bullied, put down, made fun of, being told Ill never be good enough, been called ugly and emo (all reasons why I have very low self-esteem) and finally all the hate I have for having so many people I cared about ripped away from me. Im still not sure what made me think of all of this at this particular moment but this is the all stuff that has been built up for 9 years of my life. For whatever reason that made me want to let it all out, I am happy that I did. Yes it will still hurt because these things will never go away but I feel better for just letting all this out. Keeping it all bottled up as my someone said is really unhealthy but Im still not sure why I kept everything bottled up for so long. I guess when it gets down to it....I have NEVER been good with expressing my feelings so I kept them locked away. Right now I really do feel better after letting all this out and getting off my chest. Sorry if I ended up making any of you uncomfortable with all this
Posted on: Sun, 10 Nov 2013 19:15:07 +0000