. I believe in myself and a gallon of mil. I worship a jug of milk. Christian: Excuse me? What are you talking about? Me: Youre excused. I said I worship a jug of milk. Which words did you not understand? Christian: You cant be serious. Youre just making fun of what Im saying. Youre making light of a very important matter. Me: Indeed, I am. I only worship a jug of milk with 1% fat. Christian: Im talking about your life and your soul. Youre just being ridiculous. Youre being rude and intolerant of what Im trying to say. Me: Youre the one whos lactose intolerant. Im telling you, I worship milk. Got milk? Christian: I cant believe Im having this conversation. Your very soul is at stake. Me: I worship milk, not steak. Mixing the two isnt kosher, by the way. Christian: Seriously, though, arent you concerned you might be wrong? Have you ever heard of Pascals Wager? Me: Im not a betting man. Poker isnt my game. Christian: No. Pascals wager states that there are very limited possibilities. Theres a good chance that if you dont believe in God, youll end up in Hell. Do you want that? Me: I was in Hell. It was called my first marriage. Christian: There are only a couple of possibilities: You believe in God and God is real, and you go to heaven. You dont believe in God, and God is not real, and nothing happens. Or, you dont believe in God, and God is real, and you go to Hell. Is that worth taking such a chance? Me: Which god? Christian: Well, Jesus, of course. Me: I mean theres Apollo, Zeus, Poseidon, Yahweh, Jesus, Demeter, Buddah, Horus, Jupiter, Milk, and the Flying Spaghetti Monster. There are probably a billion more on other planets. Christian: Other planets? What are you talking about? Me: Well, there are 400 billion stars in our galaxy alone, and another 100 billion or so other galaxies with at least the same number of stars. Surely, there are life forms on other worlds who believe in other gods. Perhaps your Jesus died on billions of other worlds to save their sins too? Christian: No, there are no other worlds with life on it. Be reasonable. We are at the center of the universe, and Jesus died for our sins. And the bible is completely accurate. Well, except the parts I choose not to believe, you know, like owning slaves, and killing people for stupid reasons. Anyway, Jesus suffered so that when we die we will live forever, float around clouds and play harps for all eternity. Me: I am reasonable. I worship milk. It didnt die for any sins, but it sure goes good with spaghetti. RAmen to that, brother, RAmen to that.
Posted on: Fri, 25 Oct 2013 06:21:24 +0000
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