I believe there is a "relapse mentality" which pertains to bulimics / anorexics/ EDNOS / or those who suffer from purging disorder. It seems, at least to me, that it works like a light switch. You can go from being completely fine to struggling in a very short time frame; and there doesn’t necessarily have to be anything wrong, which can be more than hard to understand. I know for me personally, when I am about to relapse, I go into a state where I feel like I am in a tunnel, a really dark scary tunnel filled with demons. I withdraw and find it hard to process anything besides the overwhelming thoughts (which are lies) in my head, the ones that sound like: GO THROW UP you are disgusting, why did you eat that—really what it wrong with you! It will be better if you just throw up. You can’t get better, just give up. You don’t deserve to eat. Throw up, throw up, throw up (repeat x 1000). **Just a few examples on my relapse "tape". Up until recently I did not really believe it was possible to break from this mentality once I entered it, as it is so encompassing and overwhelming. However, I now know that even if you reach this dark place you can manage to get through and find the light. But I promise you, it is nearly impossible to do alone. Recently, I have realized and accepted that recovery is going to be impossible to do by myself. It really will just NOT WORK. As much as I would like to think that I am strong enough to do this alone; I’m not, as sometimes you just need someone to hold your hand. I realize this can be more than frustrating as we tend to be very independent in our disordered minds. While I realize your brain is telling you otherwise it really is okay to ask for help. I assure you that the people who love you would rather help you recover than stand on the sidelines and help you to dig your own grave. As each purge, metaphorically is like sticking a shovel in the ground and pulling up frozen earth. Talk—reach out! Get the help you need, no matter how humiliating or embarrassing it may be. There unfortunately is no place for pride in recovery, it will only kill you! YOU CAN BEAT THIS!!!!
Posted on: Tue, 30 Jul 2013 01:27:23 +0000
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