I dont mean to insult the depth or intelligence of anybody reading this but , I wonder how many people truly recognize or understand ALL (or even most) of the forms of manipulation we human beings use on each other. What should have been the most glaring form -for me, at least - was being so nice. all the time, from my earliest days right straight into most of my 40s. In retrospect, my niceness was more about what I wanted your opinion of me to be, than how I felt about you. I suspect there are many others out there whose M.O. was/is/and always will be the same. Some of you know it and some of you dont. Which, you might say, is the good news and the bad news. Once I became familiar with my own bad behavior , subtle as it was, it ceased to work the magic it once did...... IF you can call it magic. What is so magical about getting someone to like you, love you, do something for you, or give something to you? Either they want to or they dont. If they dont really want to and do it anyway, theyll eventually resent you for it. If they actually do develop genuine feelings for you, you wont believe in it for very long..... what happens when your true motives surface? Trusting someone is impossible if you came to it by way of manipulation...no matter how well you convince yourself that you didnt use any of your well-honed persuasion techniques (of which youre probably pretty damn proud).... you will never feel secure. Getting someone (or something) is one thing but KEEPING it requires constant maintenance and one-upping yourself. No matter how good you are there will always be someone better at it .....no matter what it is. I can smell manipulation as it approaches. My meter goes haywire. My temperature rises and I want to get as far away from you as I can. Lies are hard to tolerate even when they come in the form of actions rather than words. A rose by any other name still pisses me off. |I dont know when I stopped being dependent on what other people thought of me... I was a work in progress for years . It was Sean who finally opened my eyes- and heart- to the fact that I didnt have to be, say, or do anything that wasnt my truth. He wanted to know who I was and not who I thought I was or wanted to be. We started at the beginning and it evolved into something unlike I had ever known. When I stopped caring about what others thought of me and started finding out who the real Avis was; honoring what was good and modifying or eliminating behavior that had been poisoning me for years, is precisely when other people took notice. If you want something from me, ask me for it. Dont hint around or soften your manipulation by kidding on the squareor by being extra nice to me expecting that I will read your mind and reciprocate. Debit/ credit sheets are NOT part of my make-up. I wont participate.. If you want to do something for me,by all means do it, but if there is an expectation attached to it, please feel free to keep it because,In my book, that is just an open invitation for me to disappoint you... and I probably will. Conversely , If I do something for you , you can trust that there is NO EXPECTATION attached....except for, maybe, a genuine thank you. Authenticity, freedom, and gratitude are what I strive for and what I look for in my friends. The end.
Posted on: Sat, 02 Aug 2014 16:53:36 +0000
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