I dont normally go on long rants about movies (except Jeepers Creepers), but this week I watched one so bad that I feel I need to make a list of all the reasons that this film sucks. That film is called Snowpiercer. Here is why: 1) the word Snowpiercer is not present anywhere in the film. 2) This film takes place in 2065, 17 years after man has sent the Earth into another Ice Age. We are supposed to believe that one rich man built a cruise-ship sized train and a track that goes ALL THE WAY AROUND THE GLOBE in 34 years. This train takes one calendar year to circle the earth and it never ever stops. Yes, the track goes over the ocean, apparently. 3) this train consists of many cars, the last car is said to house 1000 people, therefore we can conclude that there are AT LEAST 2000 people on this train, maybe more. Are you still with me? 4) the next car is where food is made out of recycled cockroaches. Somehow, this train has enough cockroaches to feed 1000 people in the last car every day. 5) the next car we see has an orange grove in it. We are now supposed to believe that this moving train has enough farm land to grow food for the OTHER 1000 people. 6) the next car has a butchers freezer with HUNDREDS of dead cows and chickens. We are never shown where these animals come from. 7) the next car has a water recyclery.....just like Dune. 8) the next car has a ballroom for fancy dressed fops and cosplayers....OK. 9) the next car has an aquarium full of both salt and freshwater fish. TOGETHER. After that, we enter the sushi cart. Then we hear a small speech about supply and demand. 10) next we see the dentist, the doctor, and the school carts. After 17 years on a train, there are only about 12 kids in this school. They are given a wheelbarrow (?) full of eggs. FRESH EGGS from chickens we never see. Perhaps somewhere is a chicken car? 11) Next, we enter a car full of swimming pools, followed immediately by a sauna car. There is no passage around these cars, they must be walked through in a single file line to advance to the front of the train. 12) the next car is a night club, populated heavily with more costumed people, and after that is the heroin car where everyone is passed out on the floor. Are you kidding me? 13) immediately after the junkie car is the Engine room, cuz ya know, that makes sense, right? Put the junkies near the engine. 14) the last car is the Conductors car, it has almost nothing inside except a really bored guy. he never leaves this car, nor he actually conducting the train. I dunno what hes doing here. Hes just some guy. 15) NOWHERE on this train do we see living quarters, bathrooms, or showers. We never learn where all the animals came from. We are to assume that everyone walks through a sauna to get back and forth from the club to the ballroom. No one on this train ever sleeps. 16) Lastly, this train has been running for 17 years on an unmaintained track, through the course of the film we see the train ALMOST derail 3 times, but it never does. AMAZING. OK, Im done hating on this movie. This is probably the worst thing Ive seen since Birdemic, so dont expect too much if youre still gonna watch it. Im pretty sure the guy who directed this movie has never been on a train. Rant complete.
Posted on: Mon, 03 Nov 2014 23:55:07 +0000
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